It's only as we get older to we realise that whilst we worry about the small the stuff such as make up, clothes and having fun the big stuff can come along and kick us at any time. As we plod along our previously untrodden road we often encounter things we thought we would never have to consider, that are totally out side us or our control.
One of the most painful lessons, I believe, we learn as an adult is that people get ill, that we are not as invincible as we thought we were and neither are the people we love.
As an adult having to worry about a parent is a whole new experience (I realise I am fortunate here that I am an adult and not much younger) So as I sit here now, at 5 am, wide awake, worrying, thinking and pondering about my mum, I realise that this is what it must have been like for her 30 years ago. The enormity of the role change is overwhelming and it hits me just how much this amazing woman did for me. Whilst I'm doing this for a short period of time, she spend years clothing me, looking after me, feeding me, pacing up and down worrying about me (and I did cause her some worry!!)
I have seen her as a mother who taught me so much, who told me off when i came home from playing out covered in mud, with grazed knees and elbows, to the parent who through my teenage years be came the keeper of everything I wanted to do. My hems lines were always too short and tops too low cut, curfews were argued and angry words said. I cringe at the amount of times I slammed the door in her face, swearing I would never come back. I have seen her as a woman in her own right, with her own challenges and demons to deal with. The way she has inspired me professionally and her incredible, unsung artistic talents. She actually really has an answer for everything I'm sure!! Often I confuse her, we are so very different. She can't understand how I can function without an iron (or ironing board for that matter) my organized chaos drives her mad and I'm sure her favourite hobby is cupboard watch in my kitchen (whats wrong with having nothing in your fridge except wine...?!) But then she always says 'you can't keep the sun in a box' and just like that she gets me.
I'm not sure she has always loved my phone calls home with my brilliant ideas including and not exhausting
- I'm going to India!! On my own....
- I'm at the airport flying to Africa and realised I bought the wrong travel insurance. Africa isn't in Europe....
- I have accidentally put my car in a central reservation of the A1...
- I have just put a kitchen knife in the top of my hand, what should I do...?
My mum reassures herself I'm one of those highly intelligent people who have no common sense and I haven't the heart to break it to her that I'm not that. I'm actually neither.....
Venturing to the kitchen to get another cuppa I pass a mirror and catch sight of my reflection. It's a horror picture of puffy, pale skin, dark bag ridden sunken eyes and wild crazy lady hair but for today it doesn't matter, all I care about is her recovery. As long as she is ok, tomorrow a facial and some touché éclat will work a miracle that I can pay for, your health, well you can't buy that.....xX
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