Heart breaker/ Rule maker........

Ladies imagine the senario - your on a hot date. Maybe your fourth or fifth with the most gorgeous person you have seen this side of your twenties. He is dressed perfectly, complete with sexy aftershave, clean shoes and not too much hair gel. Conversation and jokes are flowing better than the wine and you really couldn't be happier. Perfect evening and perfect company you would think right? But it's around this time one of you (and it really can be either of you!) brings up the subject of 'where this is going'. If its us ladies we look clingy and needy, if it's one of you blokes we are left reaching for another large glass of vino. It's that awkward moment where you have to either bail or actually open up and say how you feel. Historically I have always gone for the bail...... So once that conversation has been started, where does it go? Will you feel the same? Do you want the same thing? Are you on the same page? The options are endless and it can be a total mind field. How do you say what you want, if it's different to him? What do you do if you want different things? End it there and then? Or ride it out hoping somewhere you will meet in the middle?  Then there is the words that are used and the way in which they are interpreted. This is made ten times harder when your a southerner in the north. Even if people can understand your accent, are you meaning the same thing?! Suddenly black and white turns into a sludgy shade of grey. What was a romantic dinner becomes a T's and C's meeting of 'seeing each other' and a mine field of does and don'ts. So as you sit there with your heart sinking lower than this seasons Chanel hemlines, wondering what to say, here is some advice (from experience) on what not to say ...... The Prince Charming - so he politely and eloquently tells you how he feels. He explains honestly that he has felt this way for some time and wants to be with you, he then goes on to ask how you feel and what you want. Mumbling 'err the same as you' whilst staring at the coffee table, unable to meet his stare and wondering if you remembered to sky + TOWIE is not smooth ladies!  The Over Emotional Tears - You come stumbling in together after a fantastic night in town, naturally you beat him at every drinking game and still managed to walk (not stumble!) home with your lippy still in your lips not your cheeks. As you giggle and chatter into the bedroom the alcohol takes over and he looks at you teary eyed as he opens his (very drunken) heart and tell you how he feels. To which you, also very drunk and teary eyed now admit to feeling the same (regardless of whether you do or don't) which is fine until you wake up the next morning. Awkward.com.  The Big Gesture- Ok so Mr Fit tells you how he feels and he ends the conversation with 'I love you'. Surprised ladies, maybe. A little rushed and confused definitely. But ladies what ever you do and no matter how surprised you are, do not, ever, turn round and say 'you what?! F*** off!'. That ladies is an epic fail!!  Being honest, in my experience rarely are any two people totally on the same page at the same time and it takes a lot of work to get there. It takes honesty and time to build up the trust to open up and say what you want from the person you care about. It also takes a lot of work to keep on the same page. And maybe that's trick - to stay on the same page? And maybe that's a blog for another day........ xX

No Regrets...........?

‘No one on their death bed, says ‘I wish I had out more hours in at the office’ and I don’t think anyone ever says ‘Ooo I wish I hadn’t eaten that bread or cream or cheese!’ – Nigella Lawson.

Life is made up of series of events that develop us, help us to learn and create a direction for us. We make daily, sometimes hourly decisions that conscience or unconsciously shape our lives and the subsequent paths that we take. From small things like what food we put in our body to the relationships we enter into, decisions can follow us for the rest of our lives and will always add to the rich tapestry of experience that we call our lives. But what happens when we make a decision and they do not give us the outcome we thought or hoped that they would. Sometimes it’s wishing we had missed that first kiss, seeing that a friend couldn’t be trusted or that the second piece of cake really would make a difference to the way that dress fits. After the initial pain has faded, slowly in trickles the regret and the realisation that we can’t change the past hits us, often hard. We have to live with the regret that we gave our dreams away, trusting someone who carelessly let them go. It is the regret that berets us and hurts the most. The feeling powerless to change the past can play over and over in your mind whilst you wonder time after time why you didn’t make the other choice. It is a cruel but un negotiable fact of life that regrets will happen to us all.

Adele reliably informs us that ‘regrets and mistakes are memories made’ and maybe that how we should look at our past. At some point what feels like a regret will be a memory shared with a smile, the self punishment we serve ourselves at the mistakes we made becomes forgiveness and a new chapter. The big question is, after all the pain has gone and we have moved on, would we do it again, would we make those choices, would we eat that cake, let that first kiss happen or change jobs if had known what would happen? There is an old proverb that advises us to never regret any thing because at one time it was exactly what we wanted. But maybe it is choice, the choices that we once wanted, not chance that determines our destiny and we will always regret those choices we fail to make more than the ones we did make.

When I look back over my own life I genuinely only have a few regrets. I don’t regret the things I have done or the choices I have made, but more I regret the things i didn’t do when I had the chance to. I regret not saying yes more, I regret not telling a person who I cared about how I really felt about them, I regret not putting the cake down and I very much regret not buying the Jimmy Choo’s with 50% off. So maybe it is about not regretting something that already happened, you are not going to change the past but you can change the future.

Don’t ever regret the past, it happened for a reason xX

One For The Boys...........

‘He was gorgeous – but his personality made him ugly!’ – Miss W.

As a single girl about town (well an industrial city in the north, with all the glamour of a wet weekend camping) dating is something that has been grown accustomed too. And let’s face it ladies there has been a lot of choice over time. From dates accepted to those rejected we have probably heard every chat up line in the book. There are dates that surprise us and dates that make us never want to leave the house again and question why we even bothered! Now the dating game is a funny one, a little bit like having to have vaccinations before an amazing holiday. You dread them but you know you have to have them to get to where you want to be. So as we sit all dolled up in our fabulous new dresses, our favourite Agent Provocateur digging into our ribs, Dior’s finest slapped an inch thick on our face, towering in 6” heels and the scent of Jo Malone filling our apartment waiting for you, please don’t let us down with any of the following............

Talking the Talk....

Obviously a date is the opportunity to get to know each other. Have a little chat, see if you get on, share a sense of humour and are wanting the same things as we do. It is not an opportunity, boys, to spend the evening talking about your ex (seriously!!) or yourself, nonstop (as amazing as you might be!) or how much your missing out on some amazing lads night. We don’t need to hear how much you earn or how much your ex hurt you or how fit the girl on the next table is. We just want to know a little bit about you, what makes you happy and what you are interested in. Don’t forget conversation is a two way street fella’s, just engage your brain before picking a subject.

A Time and A Place......

The venue for a date is really important. It can’t be to OTT, first dates are scary enough without the added pressure of which fork to use. Nor should you take your date where you took you ex, nothing screams tacky, classless and ‘I’m not over her’ more than that. Have an idea where to go and stick to it, there is nothing worse than being messed about with times and venues boys, it leads to all sorts of outfit crisis for us girls! Try and be original, make it special (that doesn’t mean expensive!!)  and be as creative as possible.

Minding your P’s and Q’s.,,,,

Its quick, it is easy and its free lads! Manors cost you nothing but could ruin your date if you forget them. Please and thank you are essential basics as is sorry, it is always a nice touch to open a door but don’t be sleazy with it. As great as your dates rack is please don’t stare, its rude and you will lessen your chances of being able to get anywhere near it by continually gawping. Note; should you get caught staring at another girls fine pair, it is totally game over and no matter how subtle you thing you are, I can guarantee your not being anywhere near as subtle as you think you are!! Please be polite to taxi drivers/waiters/ general public too, there is nothing worse than your date being rude to someone else. Also it’s a nice touch to be organized, book a table in advance, ensure you have change for parking/toll bridge/tipping and offer to buy the first drink. Now any girl worth her Manolo’s will offer to buy you a drink and at least offer to pay for half your date but neither party should have to pay for all of it!

Worst Case Senario......

Above the manors, the venue, the subjects to avoid the worst thing you can ever do to a girl is stand her up. There is nothing worse than being bailed on hours or minutes before a date when you are all dressed up with nowhere to go. It’s heart breaking, embarrassing and to be honest it’s the lowest of the low lads. It is nothing to drop a quick text to cancel, along with an apology, and it would be nice to have an explanation, even better would be a date to rearrange. Or just be honest and say you’re not interested. Just don’t leave us waiting, it is rude, ignorant and you have ruined your chances of ever re arranging, not matter how hard you try.

As I sit here pondering dates that have been and gone, some great, some awful and some that are nowhere near publishable I can’t help but think of the men that have come and gone with them. The bitter sweet memories of the sweetest first dates have long out stayed the man they were with and the horrors of some have finally turned into giggles we can share with girls. And one day for all single girls, maybe not far from now will be the last first date we go on..........

Secrets of a Beauty Junkie.............

‘Beauty comes from the heart – not a jar’ – Lulu Gunniness.

Hidden in every girls bedroom, bedroom and (in my case) it even over spills inot the kitchen are our little secrets. We all have them, those tiny essential (often with huge price tags) that make us look and feel like super models, or, on a Monday morning just human is good enough! Yep, our product addiction is ever growing. From oils to crèmes and lotions to gels we want and need it all. Yep ladies we have a hidden product junkie lurking inside of us. With boxes overflowing with guilty treats we have worked hard for such as St Tropez, Space NK, Jo Malone, Nars, Clarins. Elemis, Bumble&Bumble, Percy&Reed and Kiehls, it is hard to imagine a morning routine without them. Lotions to make our skin smoother, potions to make our skin firmer, oils to make us look younger and fillers to make our wrinkles disappear. Products to make our skin glow, make up to make our skin flawless and hair products to make our hair bigger and glossier.

As little girls we are surrounded by Barbie, Girls Worlds and Fashion Wheel (who remembers that?!) These play ground toys set us up on the life long road to beauty product heaven. In a far gone time where we gave our Tiny Tears a felt tip, hot pink, lip colouring, Barbie a DIY hair cut with mum’s kitchen scissors and applied Tinkerbell make up to our five year old skin, we began to learn the beauty skills many of us still use today. Heading in to our teenage years, part time jobs funded our obsession further with Collection 2000 and Spectacular make up in acid colours, bottles of Impluse by the dozen and magazines. Lots and lots of magazines. Sugar, Shout, Bliss, J17, basically any magazine that had a freebie was desperately sort after. It didn’t matter what it was, all we know was that we needed it! Hair products, make up, moisturisers we wanted them all. In the days before full time jobs, forty plus hour weeks and the adult world it was our only window into adulthood and the treats one day we would buy ourselves.

My earliest memories of a beauty routine was being 5 years old and the mothership putting Oil of Ulay (as it was called then) on my face because my skin looked dry. But it was the euphoric high of owning my first jar of Nivea, not long after that, that started my lifelong addition with beauty products. Even now the lemony, fresh smell of Nivea transports me back to being a child feeling very grown up to be applying face crème and seeing the instant greasy glow appearing. Twenty five years later and not much has changed, except Nivea has been replaced with Kiehls and thick crème has been replaced by complex oils that we are assured by marketing gurus are infused with all sorts of amazing miracle products that WILL make us look ten years younger. But wasn’t has changed is that delightful sense of anticipation and split second of wild belief that this product will change your life. Or at least make you look like a super model for the day. And that’s the real beauty of beauty products. It’s the memories that they create. It’s the Jo Malone body scrub scent that reminds you of a first date, the heavy musk of Estee Lauder perfume that reminds you of your mum putting it on in the car whilst driving you to school and the Toni&Guy hairspray that fills the room before your girly night out. The life long memories no photo could possibly catch but truly make your world a more beautiful place xX

Secrets of a Beauty Junkie.............

‘Beauty comes from the heart – not a jar’ – Lulu Gunniness.

Hidden in every girls bedroom, bedroom and (in my case) it even over spills inot the kitchen are our little secrets. We all have them, those tiny essential (often with huge price tags) that make us look and feel like super models, or, on a Monday morning just human is good enough! Yep, our product addiction is ever growing. From oils to crèmes and lotions to gels we want and need it all. Yep ladies we have a hidden product junkie lurking inside of us. With boxes overflowing with guilty treats we have worked hard for such as St Tropez, Space NK, Jo Malone, Nars, Clarins. Elemis, Bumble&Bumble, Percy&Reed and Kiehls, it is hard to imagine a morning routine without them. Lotions to make our skin smoother, potions to make our skin firmer, oils to make us look younger and fillers to make our wrinkles disappear. Products to make our skin glow, make up to make our skin flawless and hair products to make our hair bigger and glossier.

As little girls we are surrounded by Barbie, Girls Worlds and Fashion Wheel (who remembers that?!) These play ground toys set us up on the life long road to beauty product heaven. In a far gone time where we gave our Tiny Tears a felt tip, hot pink, lip colouring, Barbie a DIY hair cut with mum’s kitchen scissors and applied Tinkerbell make up to our five year old skin, we began to learn the beauty skills many of us still use today. Heading in to our teenage years, part time jobs funded our obsession further with Collection 2000 and Spectacular make up in acid colours, bottles of Impluse by the dozen and magazines. Lots and lots of magazines. Sugar, Shout, Bliss, J17, basically any magazine that had a freebie was desperately sort after. It didn’t matter what it was, all we know was that we needed it! Hair products, make up, moisturisers we wanted them all. In the days before full time jobs, forty plus hour weeks and the adult world it was our only window into adulthood and the treats one day we would buy ourselves.

My earliest memories of a beauty routine was being 5 years old and the mothership putting Oil of Ulay (as it was called then) on my face because my skin looked dry. But it was the euphoric high of owning my first jar of Nivea, not long after that, that started my lifelong addition with beauty products. Even now the lemony, fresh smell of Nivea transports me back to being a child feeling very grown up to be applying face crème and seeing the instant greasy glow appearing. Twenty five years later and not much has changed, except Nivea has been replaced with Kiehls and thick crème has been replaced by complex oils that we are assured by marketing gurus are infused with all sorts of amazing miracle products that WILL make us look ten years younger. But wasn’t has changed is that delightful sense of anticipation and split second of wild belief that this product will change your life. Or at least make you look like a super model for the day. And that’s the real beauty of beauty products. It’s the memories that they create. It’s the Jo Malone body scrub scent that reminds you of a first date, the heavy musk of Estee Lauder perfume that reminds you of your mum putting it on in the car whilst driving you to school and the Toni&Guy hairspray that fills the room before your girly night out. The life long memories no photo could possibly catch but truly make your world a more beautiful place xX

Successful women can still have their feet on the ground. They just wear better shoes........ #iwd12

Dedication - For all the women, who went before us, to fight for our independence and freedom. Who enabled us to stop us being one dimensional, so we no longer had to define ourselves as just a wife or girlfriend. The women who enabled us to be free to vote, have an education and make as many choices as we wanted.

In the year 2012, we, as women are privileged enough to be able, should we want to of course, have it all. And that is the key phrase, if we want to. We can if we want, we can opt out if we want. The choices are endless and often totally overwhelming. Since our 1950’s sisters before us cut the apron strings off, dared to leave the family home and headed on the road of independence, high on the success of the women’s indispensable role played in the recently ended world wars, we have been faced with endless challenges, won many personal wars and done a man’s job, all in high heels.

.And what changes the world has seen in such a short time. It is almost irrelevant whether you love her or hate her, but the point is that Margret Thatcher was the first woman in power. The first woman to condemn, rule and command a male dominated world and, despite her many failings, she did it with a certain style and grace. She appeared at times, ruthless, cold and calculating but the UK’s first lady was never with a hair out of place, suit sharply cut and heels always high. Born into relative poverty in the sticks of Lincolnshire, she educated herself and got the hell outta there. Girl power was clearly alive and well years before the Spice Girls were ever even born! Not since Emily Pankhurst threw herself under a horse have we lived in an era where there are so many inspirational women.  Anita Ruddick, Marilyn Monroe, Cupcake Brown, Vivienne Westwood, Marie Curie, Nigella Lawson, the list is endless, non exhaustive and ever growing.

We are living in a society that is privileged enough to have such amazing female role models. No longer is a woman defined by her man and family. We work harder, often harder than our male counter parts, sadly even more often for less money. We put ourselves through an education to gain the jobs we want and fund the life style we crave. Long gone are the days of waiting for our husbands pay raise to buy us a new handbag, instead we put on our lipstick, put our shoulders back and  worked the extra hours to buy it ourselves.

As I wrote this blog I began to think about all the women who inspire me daily. My mum, my sisters, my friends and my colleagues who, despite their own journeys and challenges remain stylish, classy and dignified in all they do. These are the women who make me want to work harder, aim higher and walk taller. Who, by just in being in their presence I feel I could move a mountain and conquer the world. Looking around our own lives we are touched daily by so many inspirational women. I am never failed to see the brilliance of the women in my life and be humbled by their attitudes and ethics. All the mum’s who work so tirelessly to give their children everything they want them to have, often doing the enormous parenting task single handedly and the high flying carer girls who do amazing jobs that make a real difference every day. And the real life super women who do both (you know who you are!) The texts of support, the drunken mid night phone calls, shopping, lunching, crying and laughing, we go through it all together. Thank you all for being you, happy international women’s day you gorgeous lot! xX

L.O.V.E

 ‘Love is a word I don’t understand, the simplest sound, four letters.......’ Marlon Roudette

The longest word in the English language has 189,819 letters and is the chemical name for titin (the largest known protein). Love, on the other hand, is such a small word but yet has so many depths and meanings. It affects us all at points in our lives, it’s often the goal we grow up with, but can we truly define it? Can we capture it? Find the words for it? How can we sum up words for an emotion that has a strength that is so strong and over whelming?  Love has the power to build us and destroy. It has the power to let us go free and the power to trap us in. It can change us for the better and it can change us for the worse, it can consume us and it can frighten us. It can create an intimacy like no other and it can just go with no explanation. One day it’s there, the next it’s grabbed its walking boots and hit the high road. It’s the tears when the love has gone and the hurt when what you thought was real turned out to be a lie. It’s looking at a person you thought you knew only to see a total stranger looking back. At times you give everything and get nothing from love. It can be a cruel task master.

But how do we classify being in love? How do we know? Is it the depth of a conversation about the arts, laughing at films and feeling the excitement of a joint adventure? Knowing that your sharing something you are so passionate about with the person you care about can be an amazing experience. Letting someone in to the inner part of who you are and what makes you tick. It’s the crazy moment when you don’t know if you want to talk to that person all night or just kiss them. It’s wanting to hold that person so close and never let go. It’s wanting to crawl under that person’s skin and stay safe there forever. It’s your tummy flipping when that person says they miss you and knowing you would do anything to see that person smile.

Yet in all this emotion, we live in an age of social networking, where your relationship status is not official until you have updated your time line accordingly and the joined at the hip, loved up obligatory profile picture is firmly in place, you have to wonder, how much of this is for show? Does updating your status every hour with messages of love for your beloved or tweeting saccharin tweets whilst sat next to each other mean you are more in love than those who don’t? It always flickers through one’s mind that is this show for someone else’s attention. Can love be immortalised in the cyber world? Surely it is more than a quick tweet for the world to see? Love has to be more than this, more than romantic nights away in amazing hotels, meals in cordon bleu restaurants, flowers, wine and romantic words. Love is a doing word. It’s a text to ask if you got to work ok, its remembering the little insignificant things, it is loving every part of your relationship even the difficult parts and its laughing together. Its private, it’s just the two of you and it can never be repeated.

As I write this blog, I need to be honest. I have never been in love. The ideas I have discussed here are merely my thoughts, opinions and general meanderings of what I think love could and should be, some of which happens to be based on experience. I must thank all the people who have so generously shared their own personal experiences, answered my unending questions and given their time to explaining to me there deepest feelings.   All I am sure of in the very complex game of the heart is that the man I do eventually fall in love with will be so amazing he takes my breath away, he will let me run free, we will laugh, lots and if he also happened to look like David Beckham, well that would just be a lovely bonus! But most of all I believe love is hope. The belief that one day, the frog you kiss will turn into your prince charming and just maybe that will lead us to the road of love