Taming a Monster........

'Women must stop being jealous of their power and generously allow freedom and responsibility to others. The reward is harmonious families and society' - Delphine de Girardin


Ladies lets be honest, bluntly honest here. We can all look at ourselves objectively, we can praise ourselves for our achievements and berate ourselves when we don't reach the goals we have set ourselves. It's tempting to compare ourselves to others and this at times can be helpful, inspiring us to aim higher, be stronger and to learn more. But every now and again the age old green monster rumour pops his ugly, troll like head up. Now the subject of being jealous has interestingly cropped up in several conversations this week and what's fascinated me is it (for once) it had nothing to todo with men!! It's been about our relationships with each other....

The thing is ladies are we ever really jealous of any thing or any one? When we look at it deeply what has the next girl got that we haven't? What has she achieved that we haven't? We all fill our days with that what we want to do, our career choices are individual and our own. We have so many choices how to get there and we should be proud of how we did. Surely we should be pleased for other peoples successes? But why happens when some one turns it all a little bit sour?

We have all been guilty of consoling ourselves and our friends with the 'they are just jealous' line from time to time. It's a classics female coping mechanism, often when we don't want to see or hear the truth. But is some one ever really jealous of us or is it a comforting plaster we put over the truth they are telling? Do any of us think we are truly that fabulous some one would want our life's, warts and all?!

Every thing in life is a double edged sword and we would be naive to believe it was any different. Yes the next girl might look flawless, appear to have a perfect life but like all of us she will have things she would like to change about herself or her life. The thing is ladies we all in the same race. Some times we are ahead, some times we are behind but the race is long and we will all get there in our own unique way.


For me I know I'm a lucky girl. I have. achieved so many of my goals, love the life I live and I'm surrounded by supportive, inspirational people. But for those who scratch that surface know that along side all that amazingness are also my own demons, fears mixed with the odd broken dreams. And don't even ask me about men or cars, I'm totally cursed!! But the beauty of this (and what I'm trying to say) is that we all have areas of our lives that are a 10 and others that sometimes feel a minus 10! So when some one thinks you are jealous of their life i can only giggle. After all as a grown woman I can see through the facade and know that there is no point in jealously. Maybe you think you're ahead, maybe you think I'm behind but I can honestly say I'm happy in my life and if you can say that, well, you have already won first place.

Cinderella is just proof a new pair of shoes can change your life....xX

“Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world.”

― Marilyn Monroe



Ladies which ever path we are walking down in life, be it smooth fun filled ones or bumpy, hard complex ones we should be able to do it with some class, elegance and style. But most importantly in the right shoes.....

Cosmopolitan magazine explains the psychology behind this shoe love phenomenon.....

'Buying new footwear stimulates an area of the brain's prefrontal cortex termed the collecting spot. "Shoes are a collector's item, whether women realize they perceive them that way or not," says Suzanne Ferriss, PhD, editor of Footnotes: On Shoes. Just think of how they're often stored artfully on shoe trees and shelves. "They're like sculptures," says Ferriss. As a result, collecting each type provides a mini-adrenaline rush similar to the satisfaction a stamp collector gets when he acquires a rare find.'

Sounds like a good reason to shop to me....!

For me my love affair with shoes started years before I had any idea of body concept, image or style. I was simply a 5 year old who was given a book. The book was called 'New Blue Shoes' by Eve Rice. This book, I blame for a 25 year (and going VERY strong) love affair with shoes. A simple story of a little girl who's mum takes her shoe shopping and all she wants is new blue shoes. Now this book isn't a classic or an award winning novel and I'm not at all saying it was literacy brilliance but it was totally relatable. Luckily for the mothership, despite being dyslexic and dyspraxic I was a strong reader so was quite happy to pore over the book time and time again, although to this day she still knows all the words! At school my favourite part of the academic year was September. Why? I got new shoes. Always from Clarks. And they always always caused an argument. Apparently diamond studded, slip on's with a (very mini) heel (who remembers magic steps?!) were not suitable for my 6 yr old self to wear to school.....

Shoes, to me, have so many living memories. They tell more adventures than all the photos, tickets Stubbs and cards we save ever could. From the £1.49 flipflops I wondered all over the slums of India in to the Prada heels I took a romantic stroll down the Champs-Élysées, Paris in, each pair tell a story. The Karen Millen killer heeled boots I wore on a surprise first date rock pooling at Robin Hoods Bay (yes I managed it with style and grace!)The UGG boots that kept me toasty as I explored down town manhattan, eating banana's for the holidays and bagels in central park and the LK Bennett ballet pumps I lived and died in as I explored the narrow winding streets of Venice. From Primark to Prada my shoe addict knows no bounds......


Interestingly some good interview (and life) advice is that an employer (or some one) can tell a lot about you by your shoes. It says a lot about a woman who can gracefully pull off a pair of slender high heels with out looking like a child playing dress up or resorting to wedges or shock horror, worse a kitten/mid heeled shoe, which brings me on nicely to my next issue....

Why are there so many ugly shoes?! Seriously some are violet crimes against the fashion police and whilst standing on tip toes to kiss your fella is cute in the yellow pages ad no woman in real life actually wants to do that! Croc's, kitten/mid heels and wedges should all be banished to shoe box 101 and never reopened.

There is a joke within my circle of friends that I can do anything in 6" heels and scarily it's true. I've kaylieghed, regularly drive, climbed 10 flights of stairs (there was a pencil skirt involved with that too!) baked, shopped and been rock pooling in my beloved heels, all with out any injury, proof you CAN do anything in high heels.

Walking in high heels, is a like walking the moral high ground. It takes time, class, grace and the support of some wonderful people. So whilst some people can choose to stamp last seasons Prada's at you as much as they want, it is time (for me at least) to look forward to celebrating with love and Louboutin's, and if they turn out to be one and the same, well that, like a real life Elle Woods, is just fabulous ..... xX

29+1=....?

As we attempt to negotiate our teenage years, sneaking to bars and pubs, inching on make up 3" thick and wearing our older sisters clothes, we were desperate for that elusive ID. The desperation to turn 18 was overwhelming and (when your birthday is at the end of the academic year like mine is) it can't come soon enough.

Our twenties, well they are a time of growth and discovery. We look for questions and answers as to who we are, what we want and how we are going to get there. From starting out our careers to developing our own style it can be hard to find our own individual way. It's a time where the leaders and individualists start to shine and some people sadly turn into lost sheep. We make relationship mistakes, we learn lessons about ourselves and we make goals for our future. We learn about our own styles (red lipstick really
Isn't for everyone!) and make the transition from a clumsy girl to an elegant woman who can proudly wear 6" heels. We chase our dreams all over the country and sometimes the works. Travelling really is the only thing you can buy that makes you richer.

So what happens when we go from being a twenty something to a thirty something? One argument is that age is just number, we are only as old as you feel (or the man you feel!) and as long as you have your health what else do you need...?

As we enter our thirties, a new and exciting phase in our life's I can't help but wonder if we can put the ghosts of our twenties to bed? Will the battle with our bodies ever end? Will the career ladder become easier or maybe less important? Will we find a direction we are happy with? Will we fall in love and find our happy ever after?

For me my twenties were very focused on my career. Working crazy hours,in demanding industries, at times juggling 2 jobs, my time was totally dedicated to following my dreams and travelling. So as I find myself looking at my thirties head on I can't help but wonder what I might aim for in the next ten years. Further career success, more travelling and another level of calmness and content I hope.

Maybe there hasn't been marriage or children for me yet, but I have something just as amazing and special. The most wonderful girl friends any one could want. Strong beautiful independent women who inspire me, love me , support me tirelessly and when they need to carry me. I have, unknowingly, spent my twenties finding the most amazing bridesmaids.

So maybe my girls are my happy ending, maybe I'm my own happy ending? Maybe prince charming will neve come, maybe he is just round the corner or maybe he is already in my life. All I sure off that is that the beauty is in the unknown, it really is a girls world .... xX

365 days ago......

Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, it's not the end! - The Exotic Marigold Hotel.

We journey through life speeding threw time on super highways, treading carefully when the road gets bumpy, making decisions at cross roads and resetting the sat nav system as needed!!

As we are sent things in life to try us , to push us and develop us it can often be hard to see the wood from the trees! From crazy highs and breath taking lows, we learn so much about ourselves, our relationships with others and about our goals. We can only try to walk away with dignity, our heels and standards a little higher for next time.

There is a lovely quote that states - No one makes a lock without a key. That's why you don't have problems without solutions. And there is a lot of truth in that. No matter how hard a time feels at some point we always look back, smile and know we are better for being there.

Challenges come in many forms, they can be work related, men related, family related, friendship related or even the relationship you have with yourself. They all need work, time, patience and space to grow. We can reflect with the girls, laugh, cry and wonder the hell why but the one big thing about life that is clear is that regardless of what's happening, it moves on.

With that in mind it was exactly 365 days ago today that my life changed.... Sometimes a big step is needed. We need to break free from what is holding us back and fly free. To grab our dreams and follow them, not just talk about them. To not cry ourselves to sleep but to wake up with a smile ready to face the world (and for the days that is hard I swear by the miracle that is YSL Touché Éclat and a Starbucks!) As I chatted with the girls last weekend over beers, burgers and festival fun, I realised just how far we had all come in those 365 days. Goals have been reached and further ones had been made, wishes had come true, there has been successes and learning curves, babies had safely arrived and broken hearts had healed. As for my heart, well, I'm proud of it. It's been played, stabbed, cheated, burned and broken, but somehow still works! Somewhere between the friendships, the tears and the laughter we have all survived and thrived with passion and elegance, here, is to the next 365 and what ever adventures they bring! xX

Skin Deep....?

'Nature gives you the face you have at twenty. Life shapes the face you have at thirty. But at fifty you get the face you deserve.' - Coco Chanel.



It happens to us all ladies at some point in our lives. For some it's our teens, some it's our twenties and for others our thirties or older. Stress makes it worse, diet can too, it's oily, it's dry and we spend hours covering it with make up! Yep ladies it's a skin thing!

In our teens it can be a battle with spots, acne and oily patches that look like a slick. We inch on a cheap make up brand, in any shade in an attempt to cover up as much as possible with little respect for our natural beauty such as freckles or scars. We all went through a phase where the heavier and thicker the eye line the better and wearing an interesting shade of red lipstick that doesn't suit us. At a time when all beauty essentials come from freebies on magazines and our make up bags are a wondrous place of mis matched items it's no wonder we look like clowns!

As we hit our twenties we begin to realise that quality rules over quantity. One premium brand foundation that is a flawless match (with out hiding your natural beauty) is worth more than the high streets 3 4 2 offers. We begin to think more about our skin care routines and what we put on our faces can impact not just us but our environment. We can get sucked into buying all sorted of products without really understanding what we need or what would be best for our skin. For most of us our twenties are a time for more settled skin and more of a healthy glow rather than an oily one but for up to 50%of women adult acne can still affect us.

Beauty magazines preach endlessly and tirelessly about the benefits of drinking 2 litres of water a day, eating a balanced healthy diet (no, chocolate doesn't give you spots, thank goodness else I'd be acne ridden for life!!) and whilst there is some method in this madness it would need a miracle to defy time for ever. For every two thousand frowns, it creates one brow wrinkle. Dehydration can cause fine lines and a hang over can make us look haggard! So what do we do ladies....?

As we hit our thirties the elastine in our skin naturally starts to reduce in line with the natural ageing process - sombering thought. It takes years to learn to love and respect your skin and when you do it starts to age, changing its needs again!

With this in mind I'm beginning to wonder if our skin is as much trouble or if not more trouble than a man?! If it's not grey and dull with dry patches , it's oily, troublesome and brings us out in a rash. Of course then there is the PMT, practically grown another head spot that stubbornly sits on our chin laughing manically for 2 weeks, whilst we try every trick in the book to get rid of it and sadly we all know a man like that! Luckily some tea tree oil and a facial gets rid of the spot, if only getting rid of a troublesome fella was as easy....

As I approach my thirties at an alarming rate my skin is something I have really started to think about. A switched my skin care to organic rice oil (it's amazing!!) home made products , I only buy premium make up products that suit my skin and I try to drink enough water to drown a fish but yet father time (typical bloke!) is one step ahead and as a pesky fine line has appeared around my left eye I have found myself booked in for micro dermabration. And whilst I can hear a debate beginning to rumble about growing old gracefully and blah blah blah I wonder how many of us would consider more extreme skin care routines to preserve their skin? Through my twenties I would never considered any think more advance or invasive than Creme de la Mer eye Creme but now the time is here, I'm totally unsure. Botox.... Will I or won't I......?xX

You live, you learn.....? xX

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards."
-Soren Kierkegaard

 Reflection is a funny thing for us girls. It is something we do a lot off and something we could probably have a PHD in! Looking back on what was is a way of helping us to move forward. To re address our goals, decide what our next move is to get there and who we want to get there with (or maybe do it alone). But most importantly we like to reflect on what we have learnt. But what is our obsession with learning something? Is a way to console ourselves when we have made mistakes, can we really recycle the past and dispense it as advice? Does that help? Do we look back over our shoulder at what might have been? It is very hard to not think about what might have been, when we are at the cross roads of life and unsure which way to go. Often we find ourselves wondering what we are doing, why we made that choice and why we chose a particular path. When the hardest thing and the right thing are the same which road do we walk down? At what point do we stop, readjust the sat nav of life and find a new direction?

From our degree choices (what do you do with a BA (hons) in Performing Arts??!) which seemed so important at the time, we make some big decisions without really knowing the ways of the world or who we are going to be. People, events and experience help to shape who we are and that person is so very different to our 18 year old selves.  We chose, at such a young age, career paths that stay with us for years into our future. It can be hard not to think how things would be different had we not chosen another career path. Is the grass greener on the other side? Should we risk it or is a bad day and we are needing another challenge?

What interesting is that our male counter parts appear to be able to walk away from relationships/jobs/ decisons without a thought and move on. Women on the other hand need to have learnt something. How many times have we sat with the girls, over copious amounts of wine, wondering, pondering the greater meaning of things and the decisions we have made. From jobs, to shoes to men to diets, we are over run with choice and consumed by the option we didn’t take.

The old proverb tells us to never regret a decision you have made because at one point it was something you wanted so much. So maybe you feel it was a bad choice, maybe you would do it all so differently next time and sometimes you wonder when lady luck will ever show her face, but that’s life. It will always kick you down, there will always be choices and decisions for us to make (many people have fought for us to be able to do that!) and there is nothing we can do to change what life wants from us. It’s a wild and exciting ride. Nothing can stop the scary highs or the (sometimes never ending) lows but what actually matters, what life is really about is the people who are there with you through those highs and lows. No one expects them to make it better or take away the stress or pain but they are there none the less holding your hand, walking in your 6 inch heels with you, offering support and kindness when we need it most.

I learnt many years ago that some times to get from A to B we have to go via many other letters in the alphabet. So as I look back and reflect on the decisions I have made (surprise surprise!) there are very few I regret. I have (and very much continue) to live, laugh, love, be spontaneous and follow my dreams with my friends and family by my side. Maybe I should have left dead relationships sooner, maybe I should have believed in myself more and maybe I should have not been so naïve at times but then if I hadn’t made these mistakes would I be who I am now? Sorry fella’s, I think us ladies are on to something here, you live, you learn…….! xX

The One That Got Away......?

‘You were mine, somewhere in time. I'll look for you first in my next life. There's always one that gets away.
The one that sneaks up on you,  that slips away.’ – Pink (The One That Got Away.)
It’s a strange how we remember our ex relationships. Some times it’s so rose tinted we wonder why we left, sometimes we can only remember the sad and awful times and sometimes we wonder why we even bothered or what we were thinking. There are relationships that we would live over and over again and those that we wish we had missed the fateful first kiss at which you fell for him. Somewhere between the lies, the pain and the disappointments you often wonder why came. How the fall from cloud number nine was so swift and yet so sudden you don’t even know how you got there.

But in every girls life there is one that was different. One man who you never stopped thinking about, no matter the distance or length of separation. The one who’s text messages and emails still make your heart skip a beat long after you have stopped communicating  There is the one ladies…… the one that got away. Maybe it was just one date, maybe it was a few, maybe it was a relationship or maybe it was something that had never even started but sometimes we just meet someone who touches us in a way no one else has done and that touch lasts forever. Somewhere in the back of our minds no one compares to what could have been and no one will ever meet that expectation. The bar has been set and some where sub consciously we measure every other date against that one.

We live in a time where, in one swift click we can delete an entire relationship history on any social networking site. We can delete text messages and pictures, even hard drives on laptops can be wiped clean and we can return each other’s belongings (if your ex is a half decent person at least he will). We can change our hair style, drop a dress size and be asked out by a dozen men. And yet despite all that there is no delete button for our mind, our memory or our emotions. For some reason, with that one person, there is every off and delete button except for the way we feel. As human beings we are designed to learn from our mistakes, but remembering those mistakes is rarely enjoyable and even less so when they involve reflecting on a close relationship. Lost love, heartbreak, and mating misfortunes powerfully impact our sense of self and wellbeing. Men seem to be able to say goodbye and move on, that is it they are done. The line is drawn and they don’t look back. Us women, on the other hand, seem to need walk away having learnt something, to have found a reason as to why this has happened and we are totally guilty of walking away, staring over our shoulders wondering what might have been.

It is so hard to not think about what might have been when we feel we have snatched a glimpse of something that could be. But is it that it? Had true love ran its course would the one who got away have turned out just like the others before him? Maybe that’s what the one who got away teaches us, to grab that moment and not let it go. To fight any feelings of playing it safe and to be following our hearts instead. To be free, feel the fear and do it anyway, at least that we will know and the questions answered.

As I reflect on the one that I feel got away, I have to be honest now that I do remember him with a fond smile, I occasionally recall our one (amazing) date on a very drunken night with friends and I have often thought about what might have been. I have no idea today if he is single or taken, I have little knowledge now of his job or where about and I have no idea if we would still get on or feel any chemistry, But one thing I do know was if he walked back into my life tomorrow I am sure I wouldn’t want to pick up where we left off, as somewhere in my memory what was was perfect and for now I would like it to stay that way. After all isn’t it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all……..xX