Skin Deep....?

'Nature gives you the face you have at twenty. Life shapes the face you have at thirty. But at fifty you get the face you deserve.' - Coco Chanel.



It happens to us all ladies at some point in our lives. For some it's our teens, some it's our twenties and for others our thirties or older. Stress makes it worse, diet can too, it's oily, it's dry and we spend hours covering it with make up! Yep ladies it's a skin thing!

In our teens it can be a battle with spots, acne and oily patches that look like a slick. We inch on a cheap make up brand, in any shade in an attempt to cover up as much as possible with little respect for our natural beauty such as freckles or scars. We all went through a phase where the heavier and thicker the eye line the better and wearing an interesting shade of red lipstick that doesn't suit us. At a time when all beauty essentials come from freebies on magazines and our make up bags are a wondrous place of mis matched items it's no wonder we look like clowns!

As we hit our twenties we begin to realise that quality rules over quantity. One premium brand foundation that is a flawless match (with out hiding your natural beauty) is worth more than the high streets 3 4 2 offers. We begin to think more about our skin care routines and what we put on our faces can impact not just us but our environment. We can get sucked into buying all sorted of products without really understanding what we need or what would be best for our skin. For most of us our twenties are a time for more settled skin and more of a healthy glow rather than an oily one but for up to 50%of women adult acne can still affect us.

Beauty magazines preach endlessly and tirelessly about the benefits of drinking 2 litres of water a day, eating a balanced healthy diet (no, chocolate doesn't give you spots, thank goodness else I'd be acne ridden for life!!) and whilst there is some method in this madness it would need a miracle to defy time for ever. For every two thousand frowns, it creates one brow wrinkle. Dehydration can cause fine lines and a hang over can make us look haggard! So what do we do ladies....?

As we hit our thirties the elastine in our skin naturally starts to reduce in line with the natural ageing process - sombering thought. It takes years to learn to love and respect your skin and when you do it starts to age, changing its needs again!

With this in mind I'm beginning to wonder if our skin is as much trouble or if not more trouble than a man?! If it's not grey and dull with dry patches , it's oily, troublesome and brings us out in a rash. Of course then there is the PMT, practically grown another head spot that stubbornly sits on our chin laughing manically for 2 weeks, whilst we try every trick in the book to get rid of it and sadly we all know a man like that! Luckily some tea tree oil and a facial gets rid of the spot, if only getting rid of a troublesome fella was as easy....

As I approach my thirties at an alarming rate my skin is something I have really started to think about. A switched my skin care to organic rice oil (it's amazing!!) home made products , I only buy premium make up products that suit my skin and I try to drink enough water to drown a fish but yet father time (typical bloke!) is one step ahead and as a pesky fine line has appeared around my left eye I have found myself booked in for micro dermabration. And whilst I can hear a debate beginning to rumble about growing old gracefully and blah blah blah I wonder how many of us would consider more extreme skin care routines to preserve their skin? Through my twenties I would never considered any think more advance or invasive than Creme de la Mer eye Creme but now the time is here, I'm totally unsure. Botox.... Will I or won't I......?xX

You live, you learn.....? xX

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards."
-Soren Kierkegaard

 Reflection is a funny thing for us girls. It is something we do a lot off and something we could probably have a PHD in! Looking back on what was is a way of helping us to move forward. To re address our goals, decide what our next move is to get there and who we want to get there with (or maybe do it alone). But most importantly we like to reflect on what we have learnt. But what is our obsession with learning something? Is a way to console ourselves when we have made mistakes, can we really recycle the past and dispense it as advice? Does that help? Do we look back over our shoulder at what might have been? It is very hard to not think about what might have been, when we are at the cross roads of life and unsure which way to go. Often we find ourselves wondering what we are doing, why we made that choice and why we chose a particular path. When the hardest thing and the right thing are the same which road do we walk down? At what point do we stop, readjust the sat nav of life and find a new direction?

From our degree choices (what do you do with a BA (hons) in Performing Arts??!) which seemed so important at the time, we make some big decisions without really knowing the ways of the world or who we are going to be. People, events and experience help to shape who we are and that person is so very different to our 18 year old selves.  We chose, at such a young age, career paths that stay with us for years into our future. It can be hard not to think how things would be different had we not chosen another career path. Is the grass greener on the other side? Should we risk it or is a bad day and we are needing another challenge?

What interesting is that our male counter parts appear to be able to walk away from relationships/jobs/ decisons without a thought and move on. Women on the other hand need to have learnt something. How many times have we sat with the girls, over copious amounts of wine, wondering, pondering the greater meaning of things and the decisions we have made. From jobs, to shoes to men to diets, we are over run with choice and consumed by the option we didn’t take.

The old proverb tells us to never regret a decision you have made because at one point it was something you wanted so much. So maybe you feel it was a bad choice, maybe you would do it all so differently next time and sometimes you wonder when lady luck will ever show her face, but that’s life. It will always kick you down, there will always be choices and decisions for us to make (many people have fought for us to be able to do that!) and there is nothing we can do to change what life wants from us. It’s a wild and exciting ride. Nothing can stop the scary highs or the (sometimes never ending) lows but what actually matters, what life is really about is the people who are there with you through those highs and lows. No one expects them to make it better or take away the stress or pain but they are there none the less holding your hand, walking in your 6 inch heels with you, offering support and kindness when we need it most.

I learnt many years ago that some times to get from A to B we have to go via many other letters in the alphabet. So as I look back and reflect on the decisions I have made (surprise surprise!) there are very few I regret. I have (and very much continue) to live, laugh, love, be spontaneous and follow my dreams with my friends and family by my side. Maybe I should have left dead relationships sooner, maybe I should have believed in myself more and maybe I should have not been so naïve at times but then if I hadn’t made these mistakes would I be who I am now? Sorry fella’s, I think us ladies are on to something here, you live, you learn…….! xX

The One That Got Away......?

‘You were mine, somewhere in time. I'll look for you first in my next life. There's always one that gets away.
The one that sneaks up on you,  that slips away.’ – Pink (The One That Got Away.)
It’s a strange how we remember our ex relationships. Some times it’s so rose tinted we wonder why we left, sometimes we can only remember the sad and awful times and sometimes we wonder why we even bothered or what we were thinking. There are relationships that we would live over and over again and those that we wish we had missed the fateful first kiss at which you fell for him. Somewhere between the lies, the pain and the disappointments you often wonder why came. How the fall from cloud number nine was so swift and yet so sudden you don’t even know how you got there.

But in every girls life there is one that was different. One man who you never stopped thinking about, no matter the distance or length of separation. The one who’s text messages and emails still make your heart skip a beat long after you have stopped communicating  There is the one ladies…… the one that got away. Maybe it was just one date, maybe it was a few, maybe it was a relationship or maybe it was something that had never even started but sometimes we just meet someone who touches us in a way no one else has done and that touch lasts forever. Somewhere in the back of our minds no one compares to what could have been and no one will ever meet that expectation. The bar has been set and some where sub consciously we measure every other date against that one.

We live in a time where, in one swift click we can delete an entire relationship history on any social networking site. We can delete text messages and pictures, even hard drives on laptops can be wiped clean and we can return each other’s belongings (if your ex is a half decent person at least he will). We can change our hair style, drop a dress size and be asked out by a dozen men. And yet despite all that there is no delete button for our mind, our memory or our emotions. For some reason, with that one person, there is every off and delete button except for the way we feel. As human beings we are designed to learn from our mistakes, but remembering those mistakes is rarely enjoyable and even less so when they involve reflecting on a close relationship. Lost love, heartbreak, and mating misfortunes powerfully impact our sense of self and wellbeing. Men seem to be able to say goodbye and move on, that is it they are done. The line is drawn and they don’t look back. Us women, on the other hand, seem to need walk away having learnt something, to have found a reason as to why this has happened and we are totally guilty of walking away, staring over our shoulders wondering what might have been.

It is so hard to not think about what might have been when we feel we have snatched a glimpse of something that could be. But is it that it? Had true love ran its course would the one who got away have turned out just like the others before him? Maybe that’s what the one who got away teaches us, to grab that moment and not let it go. To fight any feelings of playing it safe and to be following our hearts instead. To be free, feel the fear and do it anyway, at least that we will know and the questions answered.

As I reflect on the one that I feel got away, I have to be honest now that I do remember him with a fond smile, I occasionally recall our one (amazing) date on a very drunken night with friends and I have often thought about what might have been. I have no idea today if he is single or taken, I have little knowledge now of his job or where about and I have no idea if we would still get on or feel any chemistry, But one thing I do know was if he walked back into my life tomorrow I am sure I wouldn’t want to pick up where we left off, as somewhere in my memory what was was perfect and for now I would like it to stay that way. After all isn’t it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all……..xX

Whats new (copy) cat....?

Ladies we have all had that friend inhigh school, you know, the one who loved your Tammy Girl dress so much and thenturned up the next day wearing the exact same one, she was the girl who fanciedthe boy you did and had no shame in getting in there first to kiss him, whilstwearing your favorite lip balm.  Shestopped eating meat when you made the choice to be vegetarian despite hatingall vegetables and she painted her room pink when you did (complete withmatching New Kids on the Block poster!) Now dealing with a copycat friend whenyou are twelve is difficult, so how do you do it as an adult? Yep, sadly ladiesthe end of our teenage years does not necessarily mean the end of the copy cat girl.

The old proverb teaches us thatimitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but feeling like someone has stolenyour identity can be annoying and frustrating. Of course we all think,and are actively encouraged to be, unique and original. Yet while this is true,there are always going to be other people who share our interests, ideals and ideas.In fact some of our greatest relationships are built on common interests; I metone of my loveliest, closest friends bonding over a mutual love of Jo Malone ona hen weekend. And of course we met people who inspire us, expose us to thingswe had not previously seen and this does change and shape who we are.  The point is, there’s a line between merelyusing someone as a life style inspiration, and going all single-white-female. Youknow she’s bordering on full-blown clone when she has adopted not only yourblog style, she has no shame in spouting off your opinions and passions as ifthey were her own, she copies your hash tags on Twitter and suddenly become ayoga-enthusiast overnight as well as trying to give ill informed advice on yourareas of specialism and adopts your life philosophy as her own. If this soundsfamiliar, sorry to say ladies, you have single white female on your hands.

The awkward part is when friends andfamily start to notice that you have a permanent shadow who is copying you. Howdo you explain it? It takes a while to notice yourself as no one is that egotisticalto think they have a stalker/copycat issue initially. But slowly and surely theevidence builds up so you even deny it to yourself.You could try to take this as an opportunity to change things is your own life,to try new looks or style choices, to find other interests, to create a newadventure or to experiment with new life philosophies.   If shestarts to copy these, it is a definite that you have indeed picked yourself upa full-fledged copycat.

The real frustration comes from thatdespite dropping a million and one hints the copycat just doesn’t seem to getit! You can try being blunt with her and yet she appears incapable of findingher own set of thoughts and opinions. Obviously you could just try and acceptthe fact that you clearly have such amazing, taste and style, that someonewants to be exactly like you whilst keeping your fingers crossed the copycatwill eventually grow bored of you and start picking up inspiration elsewhere,just keep your fingers crossed she doesn’t move on to your bestie for her next inspirationfix!

At the end of the day I am not one oflifes haters and I try to never look back in anger, I believe in karma, what you give is what you get returned. I truly wish people only happiness in their lives. I know a copycatcan't help being a copycat. She might have low self-esteem, have problemstrusting her own instincts, or has maybe grown up being a sheep,and is still to find who she is.  Whateverthe case, it's difficult to have any respect for a person who depends on youand your ideas to shape who she is and her life. So, for me, whilstyou can copyright your blog (mine is!) it is a shame you can’t copyright yourlife to. So for me it is time to pull the plug on this copy machineand let this chapter close……..xX

Stopping to Smell the Roses.......

Ladies imagine the scene (as I am sure you can very well!) you get in from a busy day, you have been in back to back meetings, your lunch is still half eaten in the foot well of your car, the cup of tea a colleague kindly made you at 9am that morning is still sat there, cold and untouched, your phone is flashing with unreturned calls and texts and you have committed yourself to doing some one a favour tonight, which you honestly don’t mind doing and want to do but how do you fit it all in. This is all without giving time to our beloved other half and the little ones! The thing is sometimes life is moving so fast we don't even know what's good for us. Can we ever stop and smell the roses? Or are we living life at a million miles an hour and have no idea how to hit the brakes? Are we unknowingly spiriling out of control, doing too much and spreading ourselves to thin? Are we encouraged so often to say yes more, to regret the things we have done as opposed to the ones that we haven’t, that we are doing it all and not stopping to appreciate it? Between an average 40+ hours working week, friends, family and relationships where is the 'me' time we so badly need? As women, we actively encourage and inspire each other to have it all. To live wild and free yet do it carrying all the daily responsibilities that we have taken on. That’s quite a huge ask of any one.

Interestingly, men on the other hand, don’t appear to have this problem. They can get home from work, dinner will be on the table (thanks to us) then it is a quick shower and change before giving the xbox / friends/ football some much deserved attention! Yet we are running around in Kurt Geiger’s finest sky scrapper high heels, All Saints pencil skirt and Chanel lipstick (unsmudged) doing ten things at once. How do they do it….?

For most ladies ‘me time’ involves some serious internet retail therapy (no time to go to real life shops and the mirrors are so unflattering!) some time with Sky+ and no alarm clock screaming at us at 6am. But sometimes, for most of us, the hardest thing is to switch off and take some time out. To put our phone on silent, make a do list of we want to do and decline the social invitations we are swamped with.

Life (well the Indian consulate and is crazy slow processing system) has recently forced me to take some time off. A first in my world really as I am not a sit still and talk about the dream kinda gal. But much more of a grab life by both hands, enjoy the ride and live the dream type of person. So a week off with nothing to accept wait for India to let me in came as quite a shock to the system! The first few days were a little confusing with no work and no massive urgent commitments to attend to, I felt like I was at University again. But slowly I got used to it and began to stop and smell the roses. I baked cakes, shopped until I dropped, had pamper sessions, watched films, did more yoga and running than usual and ate, a lot, with no calorie counting. The freedom was incredible. So as I reflected on my week off I realised the true pleasure in all this. The true pleasure in my time off has been in being able to see my loved ones enjoyment in sharing these experiences. I can’t imagine baking a cake and having no friends to dig in with their forks eagerly poised before it is even out of the oven or to enjoy the stillness of a swim and sauna session without one off your besties joining you. What is the point in baking cakes or buying new dresses if there is no one to share them with? So as I take a deep breath, put on my favourite Bobby Brown lip-gloss, slip on my highest Office heels, square my shoulders and head back into the race of life I realised that so as long we have wonderful friends and family supporting and surrounding us we may be in that race but we have already won first place xX.

Every woman needs a man who will ruin her lipstick, not her mascara ( @Benefit_UK_IRE #mascarathonuk) xX

It's a well known fact amongst us ladies that no man is worth your tears and the one who is won't make you cry. Which is great in theory and I know we would all love to find the perfect man who would do anything to make us happy, who would move mountains to be with us and would willingly do anything to make us smile (and no I'm not talking materialistically!!).  For the most part, we can sort of agree that, our boyfriends/husbands are generally ok. Yes they might forget things you consider important (birthdays, anniversaries and milk on the way home), yes they might be blind to any tasks that need doing (house work, DIY, car related type things) and yes they come home drink, rambling rubbish, dropping kebab everywhere and ranting about nothing. And, no, they don't understand our love for shoes/make up /hand bags or have any insight into why we feel the need to take so long to get ready. But essentially they will listen to us going on, make us a cup of tea when we get home at the end of a hard day, make an effort to spend time getting to know our friends and support us no matter what. Admittedly when your cleaning up spilt kebab, fetching glasses of water to soothe the hangover and pretending to listen to what ever they are going on about whilst tripping over their XBox it can be hard to remember that essentially underneath all this is a lovely, decent man, who cares very much. But we know he is.... Of course there will be arguments, disagreements and times when you just don't get on (no its NOT permanent PMT boys!).  It is well documented by psychologists that the art of a heated discussion is in fact good for a relationship. To be able to develop a skill set where abouts you can talk to your partner, calmly, put you point across and not just place blame is a very positive thing. This in turn can make your relationship stronger and bring you much closer together.  But sadly for 1 in 4 women this goes too far, and they will experience domestic violence over their lifetimes and between 6-10% of women will suffer domestic violence in a given year (Council of Europe, 2002). The subject of Domestic Violence is a some what controversial one. Much of what happens (as with all abuse) goes on behind closed doors. Out of sight tragically means, for most, out of mind. The facts in black and white are shocking enough in themselves and make for uncomfortable reading.  Two women are killed every week in England and Wales by a current or former partner (Homicide Statistics, 1998) and one woman is killed every three days. Domestic violence has a higher rate of repeat victimisation than any other crime (Home Office, July 2002) and it takes on average, a woman to be assaulted 35 times before her first call to the police (Jaffe, 1982). Every minute police in the UK receive a domestic assistance call – yet only 35% of domestic violence incidents are reported to the police (Stanko, 2000 & Home Office, 2002) The 2001/02 British Crime Survey (BCS) found that there were an estimated 635,000 incidents of domestic violence in England and Wales. 81% of the victims were women and 19% were men. Domestic violence incidents also made up nearly 22% of all violent incidents reported by participants in the BCS (Home Office, July 2002).  Whilst the figures themselves are frightening the reality of domestic violence is even more chilling. It can come as physical, emotional, financial or sexual abuse, but more often than not is a combination of all of them. It strips a woman of her confidence, self worth and independence.  Statically speaking, very sadly, the impact of domestic violence will touch us all in our life times. It could be family, friends or even ourselves and the effect it can have lasts years after the scars have faded. Like all abuse the only way to end it is to challenge it, to ensure that it isn't brushed under the carpetbag or accepted as a social norm and most importantly that there are services in place to support women who need to access them.  So ladies put on your lipstick, grab the girls and support  @Benefit_UK_IRE #mascarathonuk via sponsorship and retweeting!!  *All information was gathered from www.refuge.org.uk who's website offer support and advice xX

Style is unique, to copy is cheap.....

Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it. C. S. Lewis In a world where we are constantly bombarded with information, images and suggestions it can be all a little overwhelming. Advertising is constantly selling us unreasonable images of perfection and inspiring us to aim for an unrealistic life. How do we find out who we are or what we want? How do we know what's true to us and what we are doing for others? In a world where any thing is possible it can be easy to loose our way. From the way we choose to live our life's to the way we choose to dress the options are unlimited.  Often from a young age we have ideas and aspirations of the person we want to be and what we want to achieve. From getting married and having children to career aspirations and couture lusts that only a promotion will ever see us achieve, we all set our sights somewhere in the stars. The one thing we all (well most!) of us want to be is original, have our own thoughts, our own ideas, our own styles and very much make our own unique decisions. To make our own unique story is definitely something we all work towards.   But sometimes ladies, and we have all had this, our originality is high jacked by a wannabe. Annoying and invasive at the best of times, insulting that they are stealing our ideas at the worst, some people just get lost on their way. Maybe it's a maturity issue and they just to take some time out to get to know themselves or maybe it's a type of flattery as you've inspired them that much they feel the need to imitate you, who knows! Obviously from time to time we are all inspired by some ones amazing sense of style, brilliant ideas or attitude to life but we should take it away, acknowledge the sisterly inspiration with respect and make it our own. Not just mindlessly copy and paste the fabulousness into your own life without any effort to put your own thoughts in, it's just rude.  As a little girl my main ambitions were a little odd and some what unconventional. At the age of nine I already knew I wanted to be a social worker, wear really high heels, do Angelica Houstons make up in the Rould Dahl film The Witches and travel the world with my best friend when I grew up. In terms of achieving goals you could say I have been very focused!! Following my dreams has always been something I have been passionate about and would always encourage others to follow theirs. No matter what I do I always try to improve, to find new ways of expressing myself, to keep looking for truth and originality. I believe that  originality does not consist in saying what no one has ever said before, but in saying exactly what you think yourself. Going back to you and knowing who you is can be one of the most important life skills you can achieve. So ladies, grab yours dreams to see where they lead to and the adventures they may make unfold. Know being individual makes you amazing and if a little wannabe insists on imitating you simply smile and know style is unique, to copy is cheap xX