As the summer fast approaches and wedding fever hits it annual high, I found myself sat at the kitchen table swamped with RSVP’s that needed to be returned to their respective couples. This year, as I do every year, I made a silent promise to myself that next year I would be more organized. Hmmm. As I licked what felt like a million envelopes and stuck on a million more stamps my thoughts turned to what happens next. The mad search for the perfect outfit (both hen weekend and the actual big day), booking hotels/taxi’s and the gift list. It’s funny how as my do list gets longer my bank balance appears to shrink........
History has taught me well that the first port of call for any potential wedding guest is the gift list. Ladies I cannot emphasise how important it is to address this task first. You do not want to end up as I did a few years ago, sat in a major department store about to have a mini melt down because the only gifts left on the list was the £1000 TV or a (singular) teaspoon! I mean who buy’s 3 teaspoons??! Seriously, just buy the extra one! The sales girl tried to console me with the offer of free gift wrapping but no amounts of bows and ribbons would compensate for the fact I was up the creek without a paddle. A quick glance around the store for inspiration provided me with nothing more than dated china sets I knew the bride would hate and food processors that were all singing and all dancing she would never use. With a heavy heart I had to decline the single teaspoon, the TV was well and truly out of my price bracket and I had some speedy thinking to do. In the end I opted for a Cath Kidston voucher much to the brides delight. The groom, however, still blames me he now has to live with Cath Kidston bedding – admittedly not every mans choice! Of course the bride and groom in question may request gift vouchers, in which case they can be ordered on line whilst your sipping wine in your PJ’s, safe in knowledge your getting the special couple exactly what they want!
So you’re feeling all smug. The perfect gift for your couple has been purchased, gift wrapped and is safely sat on the kitchen table awaiting the moment you can present them with said expression of your affection. Next stop - booking the hotel. Of course you completely understand why the love birds wish to get married in a castle/ manor/ dessert island, up a mountain, hundreds of miles from civilisation where there is no phone signal or WIFI. And of course you understand there are limited rooms and no other hotels within a 50 mile radius because they want the day to be intimate. So booking a room now becomes race to secure a decent room, at an affordable rate. So once that little mission is secured and you’re all booked in your free to move on to the next task. Dress shopping.
This in its self raises several flash points. Any Princess Beatrice/ Eugenie wanna be’s maybe should take note. Never forget on this day the focus should be on the bride and her beauty not you and your hat or inappropriate dress that gives the father of the bride a heart attack or your tangoed fake tan. This is a time for class and demure dressing. Hats (unless your off to a royal wedding or are mother of the bride) are not a good idea and if you must do it think chic and understated. Victoria Beckham may have looked stylish and chic in her Philip Treacy number but for most of us we would have looked like we had stuck a giant quality street on our forehead.
The next and maybe the most important question for all us unmarried ladies is the plus one question. Do you or don’t you? Personally I am always touched when the boy also gets an invite, weddings are a pricey affair so I completely understand when plus ones aren’t invited, but what happens when they are? If you dare to go it alone you face a barrage of pitiful looks and ancient aunties discussing that you haven’t found ‘the one’ yet whilst regaling you with stories of their youth, informing you that by your age they had been married and already had little Jimmy, with another on the way. This is swiftly followed by pictures of their wonderful/amazing/ successful and conveniently single grandson. Erm, no thanks. However if you dare to take a plus one be warned, for some reason wedding guests feel the need to constantly ask one question – ‘so when is it your turn?’. The poor boy looks like he wants to disappear in to a hole (no pressure then) whilst I smile through gritted teeth thinking of a suitable answer. The problem with this is there is no way out of this question without looking desperate in front of the boy, like your hanging in there, just wanting that proposal or aggressive and cold if you laugh of the suggestion. In my relationship we seem to have developed an air tight response now. When the dreaded question a rise’s we both develop selective hearing and head towards the bar!
So to all my beautiful friends who are marrying their prince charming this summer, rest assured your present is sorted, I’m booked into the hotel and I will keep those fake tan lines to minimum!
xX
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