Style is unique, to copy is cheap.....

Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it. C. S. Lewis In a world where we are constantly bombarded with information, images and suggestions it can be all a little overwhelming. Advertising is constantly selling us unreasonable images of perfection and inspiring us to aim for an unrealistic life. How do we find out who we are or what we want? How do we know what's true to us and what we are doing for others? In a world where any thing is possible it can be easy to loose our way. From the way we choose to live our life's to the way we choose to dress the options are unlimited.  Often from a young age we have ideas and aspirations of the person we want to be and what we want to achieve. From getting married and having children to career aspirations and couture lusts that only a promotion will ever see us achieve, we all set our sights somewhere in the stars. The one thing we all (well most!) of us want to be is original, have our own thoughts, our own ideas, our own styles and very much make our own unique decisions. To make our own unique story is definitely something we all work towards.   But sometimes ladies, and we have all had this, our originality is high jacked by a wannabe. Annoying and invasive at the best of times, insulting that they are stealing our ideas at the worst, some people just get lost on their way. Maybe it's a maturity issue and they just to take some time out to get to know themselves or maybe it's a type of flattery as you've inspired them that much they feel the need to imitate you, who knows! Obviously from time to time we are all inspired by some ones amazing sense of style, brilliant ideas or attitude to life but we should take it away, acknowledge the sisterly inspiration with respect and make it our own. Not just mindlessly copy and paste the fabulousness into your own life without any effort to put your own thoughts in, it's just rude.  As a little girl my main ambitions were a little odd and some what unconventional. At the age of nine I already knew I wanted to be a social worker, wear really high heels, do Angelica Houstons make up in the Rould Dahl film The Witches and travel the world with my best friend when I grew up. In terms of achieving goals you could say I have been very focused!! Following my dreams has always been something I have been passionate about and would always encourage others to follow theirs. No matter what I do I always try to improve, to find new ways of expressing myself, to keep looking for truth and originality. I believe that  originality does not consist in saying what no one has ever said before, but in saying exactly what you think yourself. Going back to you and knowing who you is can be one of the most important life skills you can achieve. So ladies, grab yours dreams to see where they lead to and the adventures they may make unfold. Know being individual makes you amazing and if a little wannabe insists on imitating you simply smile and know style is unique, to copy is cheap xX

Hard to get.....?

'I believe things happen for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually start to trust no one but yourself, & sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together' - Marilyn Monroe. After the heart ache of a break up has healed, the tears have stopped and you have got rid of all connections to the ex, the time comes when it's time to move on. For a while this seems almost impossible, how will you trust anyone again after that betrayal, how will you ever get naked in front of any one again after  the confidence shattering blows he pulled and will you ever be able to trust any one again? The thought of someone new coming into your life and having to get to know them again can seem so overwhelming at the best of times. But nothing could be truer than the age old proverb - time heals all. Each day gets easier and as the memories fade, the rose tinted glasses are put down and the pain goes away we can start to move forward.  Thing is, this brings a few new issues of its own. At the point we are over a break we are normally at our skinniest (the post break up diet is always proven to drop any excess weight) with a fabulous new hair style  and/or colour and great new shoes ready to face the world again. So as we travel along the road, planning holidays, working hard and spending time with the girls, some how or another we bump into a future potential prince charming when we least expect it. As the excitement of flirting washes over you, the nerves also start to grow. How do you play this? Can you flirt or are you making an idiot of yourself ? What's too much? Are you coming on too strong or playing it far too cold? It's a minefield and it's so easy to get lost in the whole thing.  It only takes a quick peek on line to see there are a multitude of books, websites and magazines that all claim to be able to answer these elusive questions. All offer advice and support for every type of singleton out there. But this is where is gets confusing and mis leading, from text back immediately to leaving it and playing hard to get the advice is endless, confusing and often mis leading. Add some well meaning friends contradictory advice and you have yourself one giant headache. Can you really second guess someone's motives? Can you predict what their response will be to your text? And at what point does innocent flirting become a game thats far too complex? As I sat with the girls, drinking vino and discussing our respective man issues, the subject of flirting and playing hard to get inevitably came up. For both those who had just met a potential prince charming and those who were wanting to keep the current one interested, debates raged on the best way to do it. Fear of coming on too strong seemed to be at the top of the agenda, whilst playing it too cool was also another worry (apparently there is cool, cold, ice queen and then me!! Constructive criticism eh girls?! Haha!) But it was the wise words of the beautiful Miss W that inspired me. She wanted to flirt and stay true to herself. Inspired by her strength and honesty I wondered if I did play it too cool some times? Maybe, maybe not but if I am I know I'm being true to me and making, not following my own rules. After all rules were made to be broken! xX

#B is for bailing, builders and botox....

We have all been there ladies, that moment you look across at your current other half, and realise with a sinking heart, you gotta go. Taking a deep breath, trying to focus and wondering what on earth your going to do and scrambling your thoughts together in an attempt to make them articulate. It's awful knowing your going to hurt someone you cared about and there really isn't a great way to do it, but do it we must if we feel that way.  The most important thing about a bail is to be sure of what you want and why. Its an easy thing to say in temper and anger when you hurt but almost impossible for your relationship to recover from even if it's said in the heat of the moment. Bailing, itself,  should be approached like a plaster. You can soak it, dress it up, slowly work around the edges or ignore it as much as you can but ultimately it's only going to happen in one short sharp motion, and it's definatly  going to sting. A lot! But how do you bail politely, honestly and with your dignity intact? At the beginning - So its been a handful of dates. He seems nice enough, you clearly find him attract but for what ever reason something just isn't clicking. Maybe its just little things now but you know in your heart this isn't going to go anywhere. Now this one is hard because he really hasn't done anything wrong and it would be easy to bumble long, hoping that at some point the feelings would come. Bad news is they never will, believe me, I've made this mistake! At this time, being so early in to this situation its entirely appropriate to send the polite but firm bailing text. Something fairly standard, a brief explanation that you don't wish to see him again and a reason why. This is important, if you don't he will persist to know why (we would be totally the same!) and always thank him for the time you had. Whatever you do don't just ignore him, we hate that and it's rude. Just a quick text and your both free to move on.  Past the beginning - Ooo sticky! After the first few dates it's really only polite to do this face to face. Mainly as a mark of respect to what you had. I would suggest his house (unless your living together of course!), then you can leave and he doesn't have to travel upset. Honesty is generally the best policy but there is no need to be really blunt. Don't forget we have all had our hearts broken at some point. Who has what, who owes what and who wants what discussions can be had at a later date. Yes, you will cry so ensure you have waterproof mascara and a pocket pack of Kleenex to hand. Tell a friend so you have support for when you leave because you will feel awful and be kind to you. Whilst it's hard remember you are in fact setting both of you free to find 'the one' and not holding each other back from that.  A few weeks ago now I found myself in this exact situation. I needed to bail 3 dates in. A 23 year old fine example of a proper man (aka a builder). The major problem was despite being  genuinely lovely, intelligent, successful and gorgeous, I just didn't feel a spark, typical! To be fair he treated me like a princess so it seemed only fair to extend that respect back. So as I explained my bail, he quietly took my hand, kissed my check and told me he thought it was shame. He thanked me for the fun we had and asked me not to be stranger. With that he politely turned on his heel and walked off in the sunset, hopefully to find his happy ever after. As he disappeared in to the distance he glanced over his shoulder and reminded me to change the lightbulb in the bathroom! A true gentleman to the final word. No rows, no nasty texts, no childish behaviour and no animosity. The tear I had held back escaped my eye, ran down my cheek and as it splashed my Kurt Geiger's he had long gone. Taking a deep breath, I had done it and survived. I had bailed on the builder, and as at nearly 30 I had dated a very hot 23 year old decided to shelf the Botox, at least for this year.... Happy days....xX

Heart breaker/ Rule maker........

Ladies imagine the senario - your on a hot date. Maybe your fourth or fifth with the most gorgeous person you have seen this side of your twenties. He is dressed perfectly, complete with sexy aftershave, clean shoes and not too much hair gel. Conversation and jokes are flowing better than the wine and you really couldn't be happier. Perfect evening and perfect company you would think right? But it's around this time one of you (and it really can be either of you!) brings up the subject of 'where this is going'. If its us ladies we look clingy and needy, if it's one of you blokes we are left reaching for another large glass of vino. It's that awkward moment where you have to either bail or actually open up and say how you feel. Historically I have always gone for the bail...... So once that conversation has been started, where does it go? Will you feel the same? Do you want the same thing? Are you on the same page? The options are endless and it can be a total mind field. How do you say what you want, if it's different to him? What do you do if you want different things? End it there and then? Or ride it out hoping somewhere you will meet in the middle?  Then there is the words that are used and the way in which they are interpreted. This is made ten times harder when your a southerner in the north. Even if people can understand your accent, are you meaning the same thing?! Suddenly black and white turns into a sludgy shade of grey. What was a romantic dinner becomes a T's and C's meeting of 'seeing each other' and a mine field of does and don'ts. So as you sit there with your heart sinking lower than this seasons Chanel hemlines, wondering what to say, here is some advice (from experience) on what not to say ...... The Prince Charming - so he politely and eloquently tells you how he feels. He explains honestly that he has felt this way for some time and wants to be with you, he then goes on to ask how you feel and what you want. Mumbling 'err the same as you' whilst staring at the coffee table, unable to meet his stare and wondering if you remembered to sky + TOWIE is not smooth ladies!  The Over Emotional Tears - You come stumbling in together after a fantastic night in town, naturally you beat him at every drinking game and still managed to walk (not stumble!) home with your lippy still in your lips not your cheeks. As you giggle and chatter into the bedroom the alcohol takes over and he looks at you teary eyed as he opens his (very drunken) heart and tell you how he feels. To which you, also very drunk and teary eyed now admit to feeling the same (regardless of whether you do or don't) which is fine until you wake up the next morning. Awkward.com.  The Big Gesture- Ok so Mr Fit tells you how he feels and he ends the conversation with 'I love you'. Surprised ladies, maybe. A little rushed and confused definitely. But ladies what ever you do and no matter how surprised you are, do not, ever, turn round and say 'you what?! F*** off!'. That ladies is an epic fail!!  Being honest, in my experience rarely are any two people totally on the same page at the same time and it takes a lot of work to get there. It takes honesty and time to build up the trust to open up and say what you want from the person you care about. It also takes a lot of work to keep on the same page. And maybe that's trick - to stay on the same page? And maybe that's a blog for another day........ xX