So ladies, picture the scene. It is a normal Tuesday morning, you get up, grab a quick shower, throw a dress and heels on for work, with a warming cuppa in hand you take a minute or two for a cheeky quick flick threw Twitter. Nothing shocking about that at all. Until today that is. Today I saw what was trending. Yep ladies, you know the world has officially lost the plot when #nationaltextyourexday is being tweeted world wide!
Obviously having days to celebrate things is lovely. After all mothers day and fathers day can be a reason to celebrate your respective parents brilliance but general encouragement to text your ex....? Mmmmm!!
As I recovered from the giggles I have to admit it really did give me some food for thought and as I sat at my desk munching my morning porridge / nutella combo (amazing perfect winter breakfast!) I realised that this trend could certainly cause some waves.....
When I first saw the trend I have to admit that the first thing I could see in my head was every paranoid, insecure girlfriend spending the day panicking that THEIR man (you know the type) would receive a text from their (no doubt) fabulous ex. Whinging to any poor soul that is passing that ex's have no need to be in touch and if she does send a friendly hello text, said ex will quickly be chastised by psycho Sally as 'not being over him'. Yawn. Maybe said ex is soooo over him she is capable of being polite and friendly? And yes relationships break down but you can still be polite and/or even friends.
For some people it could be seen as a way of mending a rift. A way of putting all the anger, hurt and arguments of what was to bed. To wipe the slate clean and move on, and who can resist some closure? It could be an 'I'm sorry', a 'I wish you the best' or even a 'thank you for the good times'. One last (technical) look over your shoulder with a respectful polite good bye before you wander, heels and standards high, to pastures new.
As I pondered if I would indeed text any of my ex's today I realised that I don't actually need too. I'm in a good place with all of them and whilst we don't text, there are the occasional emails. Now these emails aren't in a 'hey how's you way' and there won't be coffee and catch up's anytime soon but there is still enough respect left to get in touch when we need to. Be it to say 'congratulations on your engagement', 'I'm so sorry to hear your loved one has passed away' or even 'your brake light is out' (what can I say, I'm a nice girl!). None of these acts of kindness mean that I'm holding on to something lost, just more of a sign I can smile at what was and be respectfully polite to what is now. And speaking of the now, when it comes to texting some one today, it wont be my ex. It will be texts to the many wonderful people that I hope will feature in my future. Anyone want to get #nationaltextsomeoneamazing trending tomorrow....? xX
Tuesday 30 October 2012
Sunday 28 October 2012
Being A Domestic Goddess.....?
Whether we love or hate it, deprive ourselves or gorge ourselves on it, avoid it or are consumed by thoughts of it, our relationship with food is a funny one. We spend a large portion of our salary on it, we make lists about it and we day dream about it.
Given the times we live in you don't have to look far to find copious amount of information (some correct, others less so) around eating disorders. From anorexia, bulimia, body dismorphia , obesity and mixed complex diagnoses - the world is no longer in the dark to the complex and destructive relationships we can have with food. Food is as essential to our existence as the air we breath, the water we drink and the sleep we have nightly yet we use it and abuse it without much thought for its value. It's as comforting and fundamental as the love we are surrounded by and yet can destroy us if we let it.
Whilst food can be our enemy it can also be part of our relationships and memories. The cup of tea, generous slice of lemon cake and tissues pushed in front of you as the tears flow by your mum. The bacon sandwiches, warming cups of tea, snuggled up on cold winter mornings with a certain someone. The family chattering loudly over each other as the signature dishes are served (for us its the motherships chicken basque and pavlova, all homemade. She is THE meringue queen!). The icy champagne glasses clink in celebration between sisters at their success and the smell of fresh coffee and cake as a friend shares her wonderful news, all amazing memories.
As I sit here writing this blog I am eating. This is very normal for me. The eat, type cycle helps, well I think! So far for this blog I have consumed some sushi, a home made strawberry smoothie, an apple and a cookie from a batch a friend baked me. As I munch and reflect on my relationship with food I have to admit that food is a funny one to me. I love and hate it in equal measures. I've controlled it, manipulated it and demanded more of it than it can ever give. I've used it to fuel me and to comfort me. I've given with it and I've deprived myself to go with out it and yet despite the role it has played in learning to love my body, I have so many wonderful memories of food. Whether I'm eating it, making it or lusting (yes literally) after it I am a total foodie (even got that one trending on Twitter!!) I love nothing more than spending a day baking, cooking and marinating. I love the giving to family and friends who wait hungrily, forks raised in anticipation of what ever delight may be coming out of the kitchen next. I love the catharticness of the stirring, blending and mixing, the reassuring quiet hum of the oven and the fragrant smell filling your soul. Now I'm not claiming to be a domestic goddess (although I have been jokingly called the Nigella of the North, but maybe people are referring to other assets?!) and I'm certainly no GBBO potential candidate (that would be my incredibly talented sister) but I love the way food brings people together. The laughter, the tears and problems solved over a delicious treat. This isn't to say I have haven't had some epic fails along the way but these have made some of the funniest memories. The time I made sundried tomato hummus so solid no one could dip into it, the mince pies I accidentally cremated and attempted to serve covered in cream one boxing day and the time the pancake stuck on the ceiling..... All relative disasters but the best part of the memory of all these adventures is the giggles from the beautiful people whom I was sharing them with. And maybe that's what this food game is all about, sharing. As the delicious delights are split between the people we love and they smile, full of treats, stories and memories made I'm inclined to think, what in life could be better? xX
Given the times we live in you don't have to look far to find copious amount of information (some correct, others less so) around eating disorders. From anorexia, bulimia, body dismorphia , obesity and mixed complex diagnoses - the world is no longer in the dark to the complex and destructive relationships we can have with food. Food is as essential to our existence as the air we breath, the water we drink and the sleep we have nightly yet we use it and abuse it without much thought for its value. It's as comforting and fundamental as the love we are surrounded by and yet can destroy us if we let it.
Whilst food can be our enemy it can also be part of our relationships and memories. The cup of tea, generous slice of lemon cake and tissues pushed in front of you as the tears flow by your mum. The bacon sandwiches, warming cups of tea, snuggled up on cold winter mornings with a certain someone. The family chattering loudly over each other as the signature dishes are served (for us its the motherships chicken basque and pavlova, all homemade. She is THE meringue queen!). The icy champagne glasses clink in celebration between sisters at their success and the smell of fresh coffee and cake as a friend shares her wonderful news, all amazing memories.
As I sit here writing this blog I am eating. This is very normal for me. The eat, type cycle helps, well I think! So far for this blog I have consumed some sushi, a home made strawberry smoothie, an apple and a cookie from a batch a friend baked me. As I munch and reflect on my relationship with food I have to admit that food is a funny one to me. I love and hate it in equal measures. I've controlled it, manipulated it and demanded more of it than it can ever give. I've used it to fuel me and to comfort me. I've given with it and I've deprived myself to go with out it and yet despite the role it has played in learning to love my body, I have so many wonderful memories of food. Whether I'm eating it, making it or lusting (yes literally) after it I am a total foodie (even got that one trending on Twitter!!) I love nothing more than spending a day baking, cooking and marinating. I love the giving to family and friends who wait hungrily, forks raised in anticipation of what ever delight may be coming out of the kitchen next. I love the catharticness of the stirring, blending and mixing, the reassuring quiet hum of the oven and the fragrant smell filling your soul. Now I'm not claiming to be a domestic goddess (although I have been jokingly called the Nigella of the North, but maybe people are referring to other assets?!) and I'm certainly no GBBO potential candidate (that would be my incredibly talented sister) but I love the way food brings people together. The laughter, the tears and problems solved over a delicious treat. This isn't to say I have haven't had some epic fails along the way but these have made some of the funniest memories. The time I made sundried tomato hummus so solid no one could dip into it, the mince pies I accidentally cremated and attempted to serve covered in cream one boxing day and the time the pancake stuck on the ceiling..... All relative disasters but the best part of the memory of all these adventures is the giggles from the beautiful people whom I was sharing them with. And maybe that's what this food game is all about, sharing. As the delicious delights are split between the people we love and they smile, full of treats, stories and memories made I'm inclined to think, what in life could be better? xX
Sunday 14 October 2012
Getting Over Before You Get Under......xX
Do you think of her when you're with me? Repeat the memories you made together, who's face do you see?
Do you wish I was a bit more like her? Am I too loud?, I play the clown,to cover up all these doubts.
Perfect heart, she's flawless!
She's the other woman,
Shining in her splendour,
You were lost,
Now she's gone
And I'm picking up the pieces,
I watch you cry,
But you don't see That I'm the one by your side......
- Paloma Faith
So what happens when you are a single girl about town, living the dream. Doing what you want, when you want, how you want. You have amazing friends, wonderful family, live your dreams to the full and the weekends are an adventure into the unknown that you can barely wait to happen and a potential prince charming unexpectedly pops up?
As with all men the timing is maybe rubbish, his white stead may be a little rusty and Disney certainly never mentioned that he may be initially verbally inept but never the less he arrives and your interest has been piqued.
So before you start down a potential. new and exciting path there a certain questions that need to be answers. Not about him ladies, but about you. Are you ready for this, is this what you want and are you really over the ex to get under a new man......?
No one wants the feeling that there are three people in your relationship – you, your man and the ex? Do you talk or email your ex a lot? Or maybe you have an unhealthy grudge, or you are preoccupied with what he is doing now? If any of this sounds familiar, it may mean that you haven't completely let go yet. And ladies this can work both ways, does this sound like your man.....?
1. The Waiting Game -
Okies so no matter how well a relationship ended or how angry you are at some one, bottom line is they take TIME to get over. Time to move on, break old habits and time to heal. There are hopes and dreams we have when we get into a relationship that we lose when we lose that relationship and it takes some time to get over those things. If you were together a long time you clearly need more than a couple of weeks before you are over the ex.
2. Crossed Wires -
When did you fall prince charming? Before the end of your current relationship? Is it just an excuse to end your current relationship. Or are you just telling him that in a bid to prove you are over your ex within days when really you are not? Jumping from on person to another doesn't give you any time on your own to process the demise of that previous relationship so you could run into the same problems as before. Once bitten, twice shy ladies......
3. The Extremity -
If you can only talk about your ex in extremes it is not a good sign you are over him. If you can’t say your ex’s name without gagging this is another warning you may need more single time. If you can't resist talking about him constantly, and he is either the most wonderful thing in the world or the most terrible thing in the world, you might want to question why. There are two people in every relationship and two sides to every story. Being honest ladies there is no way your ex was as wonderful or evil as you make out. You need to be in a place where you can honestly look back at both the good and bad times as well as admit what your own flaws, not just what theirs are.
4.Cutting The Ties -
Can you do it? Can you break the habit of contact? Can you stop looking at his Facebook page? Can you give him his belongings back? Are you still obsessively thinking about what was? Hanging on to anything that would ensure you have to be in contact? Or are you trying to hurt him to get a reaction? If so ladies, you know you need more time, more tears to be over him.
5. Obsession -
If you still want to know whats happening in his life, resort to asking his friends to look at his social networking pages and bear some ridiculous venomous need for revenge, now is not the time for a new man. Are you wanting to revisit places you went with the ex with your new man? Are you attracted to your new man because he is trying to be like your ex? If so ladies you are not finished, you haven't done your grieving.
There is a theory that it takes half the time you were with some one to get over them and this may or may not be true for you. Grieving a break up is a very personal thing that can only be done in your own time and style. For me personally I know I'm over some one when I can look back on both the good and bad times in a neutral way. I genuinely wish nothing but the best for any of my ex's, we shared some amazing times. So to let someone go when you know that they are not right for you is the kindest thing you can do. To set each other free so you can run with your dreams, dance with adventure and find that perfect person for you ..... xX
Do you wish I was a bit more like her? Am I too loud?, I play the clown,to cover up all these doubts.
Perfect heart, she's flawless!
She's the other woman,
Shining in her splendour,
You were lost,
Now she's gone
And I'm picking up the pieces,
I watch you cry,
But you don't see That I'm the one by your side......
- Paloma Faith
So what happens when you are a single girl about town, living the dream. Doing what you want, when you want, how you want. You have amazing friends, wonderful family, live your dreams to the full and the weekends are an adventure into the unknown that you can barely wait to happen and a potential prince charming unexpectedly pops up?
As with all men the timing is maybe rubbish, his white stead may be a little rusty and Disney certainly never mentioned that he may be initially verbally inept but never the less he arrives and your interest has been piqued.
So before you start down a potential. new and exciting path there a certain questions that need to be answers. Not about him ladies, but about you. Are you ready for this, is this what you want and are you really over the ex to get under a new man......?
No one wants the feeling that there are three people in your relationship – you, your man and the ex? Do you talk or email your ex a lot? Or maybe you have an unhealthy grudge, or you are preoccupied with what he is doing now? If any of this sounds familiar, it may mean that you haven't completely let go yet. And ladies this can work both ways, does this sound like your man.....?
1. The Waiting Game -
Okies so no matter how well a relationship ended or how angry you are at some one, bottom line is they take TIME to get over. Time to move on, break old habits and time to heal. There are hopes and dreams we have when we get into a relationship that we lose when we lose that relationship and it takes some time to get over those things. If you were together a long time you clearly need more than a couple of weeks before you are over the ex.
2. Crossed Wires -
When did you fall prince charming? Before the end of your current relationship? Is it just an excuse to end your current relationship. Or are you just telling him that in a bid to prove you are over your ex within days when really you are not? Jumping from on person to another doesn't give you any time on your own to process the demise of that previous relationship so you could run into the same problems as before. Once bitten, twice shy ladies......
3. The Extremity -
If you can only talk about your ex in extremes it is not a good sign you are over him. If you can’t say your ex’s name without gagging this is another warning you may need more single time. If you can't resist talking about him constantly, and he is either the most wonderful thing in the world or the most terrible thing in the world, you might want to question why. There are two people in every relationship and two sides to every story. Being honest ladies there is no way your ex was as wonderful or evil as you make out. You need to be in a place where you can honestly look back at both the good and bad times as well as admit what your own flaws, not just what theirs are.
4.Cutting The Ties -
Can you do it? Can you break the habit of contact? Can you stop looking at his Facebook page? Can you give him his belongings back? Are you still obsessively thinking about what was? Hanging on to anything that would ensure you have to be in contact? Or are you trying to hurt him to get a reaction? If so ladies, you know you need more time, more tears to be over him.
5. Obsession -
If you still want to know whats happening in his life, resort to asking his friends to look at his social networking pages and bear some ridiculous venomous need for revenge, now is not the time for a new man. Are you wanting to revisit places you went with the ex with your new man? Are you attracted to your new man because he is trying to be like your ex? If so ladies you are not finished, you haven't done your grieving.
There is a theory that it takes half the time you were with some one to get over them and this may or may not be true for you. Grieving a break up is a very personal thing that can only be done in your own time and style. For me personally I know I'm over some one when I can look back on both the good and bad times in a neutral way. I genuinely wish nothing but the best for any of my ex's, we shared some amazing times. So to let someone go when you know that they are not right for you is the kindest thing you can do. To set each other free so you can run with your dreams, dance with adventure and find that perfect person for you ..... xX
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