Is it a girls world?: The Age Debate

Is it a girls world?: The Age Debate: "A terrifying thing happened this week, something that I thought I was still years off but it was real and it happened to me. I was wondering..."

The Age Debate

A terrifying thing happened this week, something that I thought I was still years off but it was real and it happened to me. I was wondering around Topshop, looking for Hen Weekend outfit inspiration incidentally and I overheard 3 assistants chatting excitedly to each other about one of their impending birthdays. I smiled inside at their excitement and gossip as they planned what they were wearing and which boys would be there, until one said ‘I just can’t imagine being 20, it’s so old.’ I literally stopped in my tracks, my blood went cold and I’m sure 2 new wrinkles appeared around my left eye. As I looked over at these girls who were barely 16 I decided to drag my nearly 30 yr old ass outta there! I sat in the car (one advantage of being over 16, I can drive and own my own car!), my head spinning I began to think about this numbers game us ladies play. Whether it’s our age, dress size, weight, the amount of emails we have to respond to at work or our bank balance we all trap ourselves in this numbers game. It’s strange how we develop fears of these little symbols and it’s something we are all guilty of at some point.

The thing about numbers is that they impart some structure in our life. We all live in a world where we are constantly given so much choice and society expects so much from us, sometimes these numbers give us the security and control we crave. The thing is ladies, there are certain goals (numerically speaking) that we are programmed to achieve. These are the goals we set ourselves. From a young age we set goals such as by which age we will have achieved certain dreams and our twenties do feel a life time away. As adults there is the numbers goal on the scale or in our dress, the fear of not being the ideal number that we want sets up for failure and upset. Trying on birthday dresses this week I played the breath holding game whilst I poured myself into my ‘ideal number’ size dress, hoping I didn’t have to go up another dress size because I really don’t like that number. As it happens the dress fitted and I was elated but it’s the roller coaster of emotions that occur when it doesn’t. It mirrors the elation felt when the scales tip in our favour (or don’t as the case maybe!) and the log in to internet banking that dictates if its steak or beans on toast for dinner.

Whilst numbers can give us a sense of calm in a busy and stressful world I just wonder if they are also holding us back a little bit. How would life be different for us if we weren’t controlled by them? What if we got up and didn’t weigh ourselves before leaving the house? Would we have a better day, be less stressed about what we ate and just enjoyed what are plans are? What if we were just happy because the dressed looked great and made us feel amazing despite a little number on the washing label? Would we have more fun, laugh more and just dance? How many of us could just look at our emails as a chance to be great at our job, instead of feeling that growing sense of gloom when the red inbox number seems sky high? Who would dare to try?

But bigger than our weight, labels, emails and bank balances is our age. Is age a state of mind or does it define who we are and where we should be in life? As I reflect on the girls’ in Topshop’s comments I could easily count a hundred things that worry me about being 30 or 40 or 50 years old so instead I defied those pesky numbers and counted all the things these ages will bring. Maybe marriage and children, hopefully success at work and of course my lifelong goal of a walk in wardrobe. Surely our main hope as we travel through our journey should be that we continue to gain a deeper sense of self and with that an acceptance of whom we are. I know I will never be the girl with the perfect hair, or be able to wear white without spilling anything on it, but that’s okay. For me age is undoubtedly a state of mind as Coco Chanel famously said ‘A woman should be 2 things, classy and fabulous’ and there is certainly no age limit to that!

xX

Is it a girls world?: Face (less) Book......

Is it a girls world?: Face (less) Book......: "Ladies – what’s the one material thing you couldn’t live without? Your favourite pair of Abercrombie slouchy jogging bottoms? YSL Touche Ecl..."

Face (less) Book......

Ladies – what’s the one material thing you couldn’t live without? Your favourite pair of Abercrombie slouchy jogging bottoms? YSL Touche Eclat for covering your bin liner size bags? Or maybe the Jimmy Choo’s you worked so hard for? Or is it Facebook? Be honest with yourself now ladies, how many of us can’t get through the day without logging on, status updating and checking in and I should know, I’m very guilty of every charge! The problem is its quick, it’s easy and it fills those 10 minutes at the end of your working day. It seems a life time ago we even had to go to the effort of using a lap top or computer for our daily dose, now we can down load an app and why hey Facebook is on our phone as a constant tease.

Essentially Facebook can be a great thing. The rush of excitement when you find a friend from school, the giggles as people post pictures of your happy memories on line and shared jokes on status updates. There is something strangely comforting about knowing your ‘friends’ are but an app, click and ‘like’ away at any time you would like. How many of us wake up and immediately reach for our phones to peruse the Facebook news feed like it’s the daily paper? Knowing our friends are well and happy all over the world make us smile, feel closer to them and all without having to make any effort of emailing or phoning. And in that lies the problem. Facebook makes us lazy. Why bother to call or email or heaven forbid meet up with your friends when you can check their profile from the comfort of your Chesterfield sofa whilst your face mask sets? Why bother with the effort of words to express your happiness at their success when you can merely press the ‘like’ button? It seems so sad that in these technological times of greatness we are forgetting, what is now becoming, the ancient art of conversation.

 To me it seems that Facebook is a cruel mistress. Initially charming and inviting but ultimately leaving you cold, lonely and wondering how the world really works. Facebook could be renamed ‘Fakebook’.  I mean, who actually 400 friends in real life? It seems to me that Facebook quickly becomes a popularity contest to see who has the most friends, the most tagged pictures and the most ‘likes’ on their status updates. I imagine Facebook as the shop windows of people’s lives, where they put the best bits on display for us all to see and hide the rest out of sight in the stock room of their existence. But who can blame them, with all that competition, who wouldn’t want to look their best to passersby. The problem occurs when people over share and on Facebook that is easy to do. How many times have you caught people out on a lie on there, or been driven to the edge of insanity with their endless updates about how rubbish life is, or how much they have drunk or how much weight they have lost? Ask any group of women of any age and 90% will be on a diet, we are all doing it, we just don’t need to know how much you have lost, how many points you have left that day or be exposed to pictures of the skinnier you in your underwear on an hourly basis!! The other seriously negative side to Facebook is its entanglement with cyber bulling. Whilst policies are in place to stop this, tragically it’s still happening. In 2009 the first criminal charge was brought against a girl for cyber bulling, a stark reminder that if we can’t type anything nice, don’t type anything at all. When I expressed my frustration at this endless stream of drivel from some people to the boy, he kindly directed me to Lamebook (www.lamebook.com). Now I’m not one to use a blog to advertise but if you get a minute, check it out!

Chatting with the girls this week we all admitted to needing to Facebook detox, just a week or two off from the constant up dates, friend requests and the draining temptation of logging on every few hours. But what keeps us coming back to Facebook? We all know that an addiction can be viewed as a continued involvement with an activity despite the negative consequences associated with it and whilst Facebook has many of those negative consequences it often has hundreds more positive ones. Friendships have been rekindled, old memories laughed at again and at our lowest times finding that people are there for you. Maybe in future we should apply the same approach to Facebook as we do with Chanel No 5, as any style savvy girl knows, less is definitely more.

Is it a girls world?: The Girl's Guide to Wedding Guesting...

Is it a girls world?: The Girl's Guide to Wedding Guesting...: "As the summer fast approaches and wedding fever hits it annual high, I found myself sat at the kitchen table swamped with RSVP’s that needed..."

The Girl's Guide to Wedding Guesting...

As the summer fast approaches and wedding fever hits it annual high, I found myself sat at the kitchen table swamped with RSVP’s that needed to be returned to their respective couples. This year, as I do every year, I made a silent promise to myself that next year I would be more organized. Hmmm. As I licked what felt like a million envelopes and stuck on a million more stamps my thoughts turned to what happens next. The mad search for the perfect outfit (both hen weekend and the actual big day), booking hotels/taxi’s and the gift list. It’s funny how as my do list gets longer my bank balance appears to shrink........

History has taught me well that the first port of call for any potential wedding guest is the gift list. Ladies I cannot emphasise how important it is to address this task first. You do not want to end up as I did a few years ago, sat in a major department store about to have a mini melt down because the only gifts left on the list was the £1000 TV or a (singular) teaspoon! I mean who buy’s 3 teaspoons??! Seriously, just buy the extra one! The sales girl tried to console me with the offer of free gift wrapping but no amounts of bows and ribbons would compensate for the fact I was up the creek without a paddle. A quick glance around the store for inspiration provided me with nothing more than dated china sets I knew the bride would hate and food processors that were all singing and all dancing she would never use. With a heavy heart I had to decline the single teaspoon, the TV was well and truly out of my price bracket and I had some speedy thinking to do. In the end I opted for a Cath Kidston voucher much to the brides delight. The groom, however, still blames me he now has to live with Cath Kidston bedding – admittedly not every mans choice! Of course the bride and groom in question may request gift vouchers, in which case they can be ordered on line whilst your sipping wine in your PJ’s, safe in knowledge your getting the special couple exactly what they want!

So you’re feeling all smug. The perfect gift for your couple has been purchased, gift wrapped and is safely sat on the kitchen table awaiting the moment you can present them with said expression of your affection. Next stop - booking the hotel. Of course you completely understand why the love birds wish to get married in a castle/ manor/ dessert island, up a mountain, hundreds of miles from civilisation where there is no phone signal or WIFI. And of course you understand there are limited rooms and no other hotels within a 50 mile radius because they want the day to be intimate. So booking a room now becomes race to secure a decent room, at an affordable rate. So once that little mission is secured and you’re all booked in your free to move on to the next task. Dress shopping.

This in its self raises several flash points. Any Princess Beatrice/ Eugenie wanna be’s maybe should take note. Never forget on this day the focus should be on the bride and her beauty not you and your hat or inappropriate dress that gives the father of the bride a heart attack or your tangoed fake tan. This is a time for class and demure dressing. Hats (unless your off to a royal wedding or are mother of the bride) are not a good idea and if you must do it think chic and understated. Victoria Beckham may have looked stylish and chic in her Philip Treacy number but for most of us we would have looked like we had stuck a giant quality street on our forehead.

The next and maybe the most important question for all us unmarried ladies is the plus one question. Do you or don’t you? Personally I am always touched when the boy also gets an invite, weddings are a pricey affair so I completely understand when plus ones aren’t invited, but what happens when they are? If you dare to go it alone you face a barrage of pitiful looks and ancient aunties discussing that you haven’t found ‘the one’ yet whilst regaling you with stories of their youth,  informing you that by your age they had been married and already had little Jimmy, with another on the way. This is swiftly followed by pictures of their wonderful/amazing/ successful and conveniently single grandson. Erm, no thanks. However if you dare to take a plus one be warned, for some reason wedding guests feel the need to constantly ask one question – ‘so when is it your turn?’. The poor boy looks like he wants to disappear in to a hole (no pressure then) whilst I smile through gritted teeth thinking of a suitable answer. The problem with this is there is no way out of this question without looking desperate in front of the boy, like your hanging in there, just wanting that proposal or aggressive and cold if you laugh of the suggestion. In my relationship we seem to have developed an air tight response now. When the dreaded question a rise’s we both develop selective hearing and head towards the bar!

So to all my beautiful friends who are marrying their prince charming this summer, rest assured your present is sorted, I’m booked into the hotel and I will keep those fake tan lines to minimum!

xX