No Regrets...........?

‘No one on their death bed, says ‘I wish I had out more hours in at the office’ and I don’t think anyone ever says ‘Ooo I wish I hadn’t eaten that bread or cream or cheese!’ – Nigella Lawson.

Life is made up of series of events that develop us, help us to learn and create a direction for us. We make daily, sometimes hourly decisions that conscience or unconsciously shape our lives and the subsequent paths that we take. From small things like what food we put in our body to the relationships we enter into, decisions can follow us for the rest of our lives and will always add to the rich tapestry of experience that we call our lives. But what happens when we make a decision and they do not give us the outcome we thought or hoped that they would. Sometimes it’s wishing we had missed that first kiss, seeing that a friend couldn’t be trusted or that the second piece of cake really would make a difference to the way that dress fits. After the initial pain has faded, slowly in trickles the regret and the realisation that we can’t change the past hits us, often hard. We have to live with the regret that we gave our dreams away, trusting someone who carelessly let them go. It is the regret that berets us and hurts the most. The feeling powerless to change the past can play over and over in your mind whilst you wonder time after time why you didn’t make the other choice. It is a cruel but un negotiable fact of life that regrets will happen to us all.

Adele reliably informs us that ‘regrets and mistakes are memories made’ and maybe that how we should look at our past. At some point what feels like a regret will be a memory shared with a smile, the self punishment we serve ourselves at the mistakes we made becomes forgiveness and a new chapter. The big question is, after all the pain has gone and we have moved on, would we do it again, would we make those choices, would we eat that cake, let that first kiss happen or change jobs if had known what would happen? There is an old proverb that advises us to never regret any thing because at one time it was exactly what we wanted. But maybe it is choice, the choices that we once wanted, not chance that determines our destiny and we will always regret those choices we fail to make more than the ones we did make.

When I look back over my own life I genuinely only have a few regrets. I don’t regret the things I have done or the choices I have made, but more I regret the things i didn’t do when I had the chance to. I regret not saying yes more, I regret not telling a person who I cared about how I really felt about them, I regret not putting the cake down and I very much regret not buying the Jimmy Choo’s with 50% off. So maybe it is about not regretting something that already happened, you are not going to change the past but you can change the future.

Don’t ever regret the past, it happened for a reason xX

One For The Boys...........

‘He was gorgeous – but his personality made him ugly!’ – Miss W.

As a single girl about town (well an industrial city in the north, with all the glamour of a wet weekend camping) dating is something that has been grown accustomed too. And let’s face it ladies there has been a lot of choice over time. From dates accepted to those rejected we have probably heard every chat up line in the book. There are dates that surprise us and dates that make us never want to leave the house again and question why we even bothered! Now the dating game is a funny one, a little bit like having to have vaccinations before an amazing holiday. You dread them but you know you have to have them to get to where you want to be. So as we sit all dolled up in our fabulous new dresses, our favourite Agent Provocateur digging into our ribs, Dior’s finest slapped an inch thick on our face, towering in 6” heels and the scent of Jo Malone filling our apartment waiting for you, please don’t let us down with any of the following............

Talking the Talk....

Obviously a date is the opportunity to get to know each other. Have a little chat, see if you get on, share a sense of humour and are wanting the same things as we do. It is not an opportunity, boys, to spend the evening talking about your ex (seriously!!) or yourself, nonstop (as amazing as you might be!) or how much your missing out on some amazing lads night. We don’t need to hear how much you earn or how much your ex hurt you or how fit the girl on the next table is. We just want to know a little bit about you, what makes you happy and what you are interested in. Don’t forget conversation is a two way street fella’s, just engage your brain before picking a subject.

A Time and A Place......

The venue for a date is really important. It can’t be to OTT, first dates are scary enough without the added pressure of which fork to use. Nor should you take your date where you took you ex, nothing screams tacky, classless and ‘I’m not over her’ more than that. Have an idea where to go and stick to it, there is nothing worse than being messed about with times and venues boys, it leads to all sorts of outfit crisis for us girls! Try and be original, make it special (that doesn’t mean expensive!!)  and be as creative as possible.

Minding your P’s and Q’s.,,,,

Its quick, it is easy and its free lads! Manors cost you nothing but could ruin your date if you forget them. Please and thank you are essential basics as is sorry, it is always a nice touch to open a door but don’t be sleazy with it. As great as your dates rack is please don’t stare, its rude and you will lessen your chances of being able to get anywhere near it by continually gawping. Note; should you get caught staring at another girls fine pair, it is totally game over and no matter how subtle you thing you are, I can guarantee your not being anywhere near as subtle as you think you are!! Please be polite to taxi drivers/waiters/ general public too, there is nothing worse than your date being rude to someone else. Also it’s a nice touch to be organized, book a table in advance, ensure you have change for parking/toll bridge/tipping and offer to buy the first drink. Now any girl worth her Manolo’s will offer to buy you a drink and at least offer to pay for half your date but neither party should have to pay for all of it!

Worst Case Senario......

Above the manors, the venue, the subjects to avoid the worst thing you can ever do to a girl is stand her up. There is nothing worse than being bailed on hours or minutes before a date when you are all dressed up with nowhere to go. It’s heart breaking, embarrassing and to be honest it’s the lowest of the low lads. It is nothing to drop a quick text to cancel, along with an apology, and it would be nice to have an explanation, even better would be a date to rearrange. Or just be honest and say you’re not interested. Just don’t leave us waiting, it is rude, ignorant and you have ruined your chances of ever re arranging, not matter how hard you try.

As I sit here pondering dates that have been and gone, some great, some awful and some that are nowhere near publishable I can’t help but think of the men that have come and gone with them. The bitter sweet memories of the sweetest first dates have long out stayed the man they were with and the horrors of some have finally turned into giggles we can share with girls. And one day for all single girls, maybe not far from now will be the last first date we go on..........