#B is for bailing, builders and botox....

We have all been there ladies, that moment you look across at your current other half, and realise with a sinking heart, you gotta go. Taking a deep breath, trying to focus and wondering what on earth your going to do and scrambling your thoughts together in an attempt to make them articulate. It's awful knowing your going to hurt someone you cared about and there really isn't a great way to do it, but do it we must if we feel that way.  The most important thing about a bail is to be sure of what you want and why. Its an easy thing to say in temper and anger when you hurt but almost impossible for your relationship to recover from even if it's said in the heat of the moment. Bailing, itself,  should be approached like a plaster. You can soak it, dress it up, slowly work around the edges or ignore it as much as you can but ultimately it's only going to happen in one short sharp motion, and it's definatly  going to sting. A lot! But how do you bail politely, honestly and with your dignity intact? At the beginning - So its been a handful of dates. He seems nice enough, you clearly find him attract but for what ever reason something just isn't clicking. Maybe its just little things now but you know in your heart this isn't going to go anywhere. Now this one is hard because he really hasn't done anything wrong and it would be easy to bumble long, hoping that at some point the feelings would come. Bad news is they never will, believe me, I've made this mistake! At this time, being so early in to this situation its entirely appropriate to send the polite but firm bailing text. Something fairly standard, a brief explanation that you don't wish to see him again and a reason why. This is important, if you don't he will persist to know why (we would be totally the same!) and always thank him for the time you had. Whatever you do don't just ignore him, we hate that and it's rude. Just a quick text and your both free to move on.  Past the beginning - Ooo sticky! After the first few dates it's really only polite to do this face to face. Mainly as a mark of respect to what you had. I would suggest his house (unless your living together of course!), then you can leave and he doesn't have to travel upset. Honesty is generally the best policy but there is no need to be really blunt. Don't forget we have all had our hearts broken at some point. Who has what, who owes what and who wants what discussions can be had at a later date. Yes, you will cry so ensure you have waterproof mascara and a pocket pack of Kleenex to hand. Tell a friend so you have support for when you leave because you will feel awful and be kind to you. Whilst it's hard remember you are in fact setting both of you free to find 'the one' and not holding each other back from that.  A few weeks ago now I found myself in this exact situation. I needed to bail 3 dates in. A 23 year old fine example of a proper man (aka a builder). The major problem was despite being  genuinely lovely, intelligent, successful and gorgeous, I just didn't feel a spark, typical! To be fair he treated me like a princess so it seemed only fair to extend that respect back. So as I explained my bail, he quietly took my hand, kissed my check and told me he thought it was shame. He thanked me for the fun we had and asked me not to be stranger. With that he politely turned on his heel and walked off in the sunset, hopefully to find his happy ever after. As he disappeared in to the distance he glanced over his shoulder and reminded me to change the lightbulb in the bathroom! A true gentleman to the final word. No rows, no nasty texts, no childish behaviour and no animosity. The tear I had held back escaped my eye, ran down my cheek and as it splashed my Kurt Geiger's he had long gone. Taking a deep breath, I had done it and survived. I had bailed on the builder, and as at nearly 30 I had dated a very hot 23 year old decided to shelf the Botox, at least for this year.... Happy days....xX