Each and every one of us have skills that we develop over time, these are the things we get know, love, use and enjoy. We journey through life learning, experiencing and developing our knowledge base for these skills. Sometimes this is a conscience choice, a new qualification to change or progress our carers, it could be the decision to explore a new religious enlightenment or maybe to learn a new skill with friends. But we also develop skills without any intention such as coping mechanisms for broken hearts, shopping and the love of beautiful shoes. Some skills we are born with, some we develop over time and some are simply learning curves thrust upon us but however we get them we should try and use them. For me my skill set is a developed knowledge base made up of shoes, vintage, make up, friendship, yoga, shopping and writing down my procrastinating thoughts in to a weekly readable format. My skill set does not really feature a knowledge of filo faxes, cars, the concept of ironing or Valentine’s day. So it is with some in trepidation that I start scribbling and babbling about Valentine’s day.
Racking my brains and trying to rouse as much knowledge as possible about Valentines my thoughts turned to my own previous (and very limited experience). As I pondered the ghosts of boyfriends past and raked through the faded memories they had given me, I realised that Valentines was something I had never really done. Don’t get me wrong, I have been given flowers, been wined and dined in restaurants and had professions of love from some of those men - but all of those things happened on the other 364 days of the year. None of them ever felt the need to save these adventures until the 14th Feb. Does that mean they didn’t care? Did their lack (or indeed my own lack) of arranging tables, buying pressies and avoiding the persistent adverts from Interflora mean they didn’t have feelings for me? Should they have dug deep, paid for expensive spa treatments and had huge bouquets of flowers delivered to work on the 14th February just to prove they did?
What’s interesting about Valentine’s Day is this almost unspoken, very quiet excitement that bubbles away at the opportunity to disclose you inner most feelings to someone. For all the single girls it is a time of excitement, the consideration of sending a card and the scary anticipation that you may be receiving one. For loved up couples it is a guilt free opportunity to spend some romantic time together away from the everyday commitments of work, children and life. But what do we girls actually want from the big day? From both personal experience and from what friends have shared, the general rule is that the grander the gesture, the less it means. For all the hearts, flowers and OTT gestures, they mean nothing when they swiftly followed by ‘I’m sorry – I have.................’ Nothing quite like a bombshell to watch the flowers swiftly wilt and the chocolate to magically just stick themselves on your hips. For us girls it really is the simple things, a card, breakfast in bed, to be wanted by the person we care about the most, and lots of cuddles. As my oldest, most beautiful (and wisest) friends said, you shouldn’t need Hallmark to remind you to show your love.
Always keen to add to a skill set, I feel Valentines is something that, whilst I still have a lot to learn, it is something that I am learning about. The big surprise from all this learning was from the men who talked about Valentine’s Day. I have text, facebooked, tweeted, emailed and, when needed, stalked my male friends up and down the country in search of answers as to what Valentines actually means to them. Is it something they really cared about or is it just a hassle they daren’t avoid for fear of a teary eyed girl, sobbing to her friends that he forgot? Each of them answered me and then asked the same two things to my questions –
1. My answer won’t be published in anyway will it?
2. What would your perfect Valentines be?
So, as promised fella’s, rest assured, your secrets are safe with me. But what I will say is that out of all the men I spoke to (and I spoke to lots!), only 3 mentioned wanting anything materialistic. None were bothered by big gestures or going out for meals. It appears ladies, as with us, simplicity and thought are the way forward. And as for my perfect Valentines? Well that’s easy, but that is also my secret! xX
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